Beauties and the Beast Read Free

Then it was clear. Of course! The phone call: the call to audition for the greatest show ever - and his chance to go ligit. Was that last night? It must have been, because he was sober and he was here.
    His eyes gradually accepted the light and the scene. Then his jaw dropped and his shoulders slumped. Somebody was playing foul. It was a joke. The greatest show ever - on this stage? Then he spotted Billy.
    His mouth slammed shut, he lifted his shoulders and bounced across the stage until he was by the rocker’s side.
    â€œHello, Hello, Hello,” he beamed. “What have we here then? Is this a theatre or a bomb shelter?”
    Billy was shocked into reality at the sound of the strange voice. He jerked his head round and saw a silly looking little man standing by his side. He had a huge smile on his face and looked like a leprechaun from Hell.
    â€œYou what?” Billy managed to utter.
    â€œA theatre, a theatre,” said Mickey. “You know - the smell of the greasepaint, the roar of the crowd.”
    Billy stared uncomprehending, face screwed up. Then it relaxed as he understood what the man was talking about.
    â€œYou’re off your chump,” he said.
    Mickey was a pro. No skinny little upstart was going to faze him. He kept the smile on his face and held out his hand. “Mickey Finnegan,” he said, “comedy king, a gag for all occasions.”
    â€œYeah, well why don’t you wear it!” said Billy as he drew back. He stared at the comic, ignoring his outstretched hand.
    Mickey stopped. “What?” Then he understood. “Oh yeah, I get it, very funny.” He frowned. This was a tough punter. He tried again. “Here, did you hear about the elephant who was taking a walk by the river?”
    Billy’s eyes glazed. “What?”
    â€œThe elephant walking by the river - he saw mouse taking a drink and he said ‘my, you’re little fellow aren’t you?’ and the mouse said: ‘Well, I’ve been ill.’ Boom, boom.”
    Mickey looked expectantly at Billy, who was staring in disbelief.
    Mickey let out a large sigh. “That’s the trouble with the youth of today, no sense of humour.” He paused, thinking. Then he tipped his hat forward and smiled again. “Hey, what about the swaggie who turns up at a house and asks for some food. The lady of the house opened the door in her nightie...”
    â€œYeah, yeah I know - that’s a funny place to keep a door. Ha bloody ha.” Billy shook his head sadly.
    â€œNo. no,” said Mickey. Agitation was tensing his gut. “She asked the swaggie see, she asked him if he wanted some cold rice pudding. The swaggie said ‘yes please’.” Mickey felt panic rising. No response. The timing had gone. He needed a drink. No he didn’t. He took a big breath. “Then the woman said, ‘well come back tomorrow because it’s hot now’. Get it?”
    Billy groaned. Where was Genghis? “I get it, like I did when I was five.” He spat the words.
    Mickey looked down at his ukulele. “Ah well, you can’t win ‘em all.” He stared at the bank of computer terminals. “What’s that?”
    â€œThey look like computers to me.” There was sarcasm in Billy’s voice.
    â€œI can see that,” snapped Mickey. “What’re they for?”
    â€œI’m fucked if I know.”
    Mickey stared at Billy. There were angry, unsaid words behind his eyes. He walked to the back of the stage. He saw the guitar. He recognised the expensive brand. He laid his ukulele on the ground and picked up the other instrument. “A Fender eh; are you in show business as well?”
    Billy watched in horror as Mickey strummed the guitar. “Put the bastard down.” The words came out as a scream of anguish.
    Mickey was startled. There was violence in the voice. He rested the guitar carefully back.
    â€œNo need to get upset.