Badass Zombie Road Trip Read Free Page A

that way. We might even pick up another gig on the way.”
    “Wherever you want to go. I don’t care.” Dale slurped on his shake again before turning to attack his bowl of chili.
    The diner was small, but cozy, and the food was pretty good. It also had a giant donut on the roof, which was what attracted the guys to it in the first place. Jonah liked these little roadside attractions while Dale claimed they were the warts of America.
    “Come on,” Jonah said, around a mouthful of fries. “Consider this your trip, buddy. For getting us our first out-of-state job.” He pushed the road map toward Dale. “You pick.”
    Dale shoved the map back to Jonah. “No way. You stick your nose up at every suggestion I make.”
    “I do not! I just don’t want to go back to Vegas.”
    “Okay then.” As if to prove his point, Dale, with a wide smile and smug attitude, announced a destination that should have come as no surprise. “The Chicken Ranch.”
    Jonah almost choked on his mouthful. After swallowing the errant fries, he whispered, “Keep your voice down.”
    “Why? It’s an American icon. Who don’t like chickens? Come on, Jonah. Let’s go! We’re halfway there anyway.”
    Jonah kept his voice low as he argued, “I am not driving out to the deserts of Nevada just so you can legally hire a prostitute.”
    “See? You don’t like any of my ideas.”
    “It’s not the idea, it’s the point. The whole thing is a gigantic waste of money.”
    “Only you would think sex was a waste of money.”
    “I meant it’s not like you can’t get a piece anytime you want.”
    “Yeah, but this is different.”
    “You’ve had more women slip between your sheets than I have ever had the nerve to say hello to. How can a hired woman be any different than a free one?”
    Dale smirked the smirk of the experienced. “Trust me, dude, none of them are free. You end up paying somehow.”
    “I’d never pay for it,” Jonah said, though in reality he might if given the chance, and if someone else made the arrangements. It wasn’t the nature of prostitution that made Jonah nervous: it was the actual transaction. He could hardly order a coffee from the local barista, how on earth could he manage to tell a woman he wanted to pay her to suck his cock?
    “You always pay,” Dale said, then mumbled into his straw, “Especially when your pecker falls off.”
    “Dale!”
    Dale laughed long and loud. “God, Jonah, you are the prudest asshole I have ever known.”
    “Most prude,” Jonah corrected him.
    “You need to get used to not being most prude, man. ‘Cause chicks dig famous musicians.”
    “I doubt we’re on our way to being famous. Infamous is more like it.”
    “Fuck you.”
    “Not today. Thank you very much. Now pick a place or I’ll take you to Disneyland.”
    Dale snapped his gaze up from his bowl of chili to stare hard at Jonah. “What?”
    Jonah smiled his own knowing smile. “Sure. Disneyland. It will be an all-expense-paid educational journey.”
    Dale went paler at every word, and Jonah relished the look of terror on the man’s face. What a delight! It wasn’t often Jonah got one over on Dale, and just the threat of experiencing something educational turned the man’s knees to water. Dale’s lip even quivered, just a little. It was a beautiful thing to behold.
    “You aren’t serious,” Dale said.
    “I’m perfectly serious,” Jonah lied. He nodded down at the map, tracing the highways and byways as he added, “Look, we’re less than two hours away from California.”
    “No way. No California. You know how I feel about that place.”
    Jonah knew. He never quite understood, but he knew. Dale was a Californian native, but now avoided the place like it was the plague, and not even his best friend was sure why. Jonah, however, would not be swayed from his hold over the frightened man. He tossed the remains of his burger on the plate and placed a greasy hand over his chest. “I’ve never gotten a chance to