Babyhood (9780062098788) Read Free

sorry?”
    â€œI was just telling your wife—it’s the greatest thing in the world. It’s certainly not easy, and it does change your life forever, but it really is true: There is nothing more rewarding or wonderful than having children.”
    The best I could muster was a tiny smile and “That’s what they say . . .”
    New parents always sound like hucksters in a pyramid scheme. Anyone who has kids and then gets you to go and have kids gets a check from Huckster Headquarters. They’re like newly converted religious fanatics, these people. They’re not only hooked, but they won’t rest till they bring you into the fold, too.
    I smiled at the lady and put my headphones back on while pointing to the screen, as if to say, “I really would like to finish the conversation, but I tell you—this movie is just so darn funny . . .”
    When the time came to get off the plane, we watched the exhausted new parents and their squawking progeny gather their belongings—which, together, was probably more than my grandparents packed to cross great oceans—and as we grabbed our We-Don’t-Have-Any-Cares-in-the-World carry-on bags, the woman reached out, touched me on the arm, and said, “Good luck.”
    I remember thinking, “Hey . . . we’re not the ones who have to get a cab with fourteen hundred pounds of luggage. Good luck to you. ”
    T hat night, we were getting ready for bed and brushing our teeth and still talking about those people on the plane.
    â€œDid you see how pale they both looked?”
    â€œI know . . . both of them . . .”
    â€œWell, it’s not exactly like you’re going to the beach everyday when you’ve got little kids like that . . .”
    â€œHey, no kidding . . .”
    We got into bed.
    â€œAlso keep in mind, they’re older than us.”
    â€œYeah, plus that’s their second kid.”
    â€œRight.”
    â€œIf we have a second kid, I’d definitely want to wait longer than they did . . .”
    â€œDefinitely.”
    â€œMaybe three years. At least . . .”
    â€œDefinitely . . . and, you know, there’s no telling if we could even get pregnant right away. There’s a very good chance it could take us a year or two for the first one . . .”
    â€œI know, believe me, I’ve thought about that . . .”
    Then there was a long pause.
    â€œWhat the hell just happened?”
    â€œI don’t know.”
    â€œHave we decided anything here?”
    â€œI’m not sure.”
    â€œI think we did. I think we were snookered. Those people snookered us . . . Didn’t I tell you not to talk to those people?”
    I tried in vain to trace the exact steps and conversations of the previous half day.
    â€œI mean, we know we want to have kids someday . . .”
    â€œOf course . . . we’ve never questioned that . . .”
    â€œSo what happened?”
    â€œMaybe it’s just time.”
    For several moments, nobody said anything. Then I jumped in.
    â€œYeah, but we don’t really have any values. ”
    â€œHuh?”
    â€œWhen you have kids, you’re supposed to be able to teach them values, instill them with all your values . . . I don’t know if I have any values . . .”
    â€œYou have values,” my wife assured me.
    â€œDo I?”
    â€œSure you do. You do unto others nicely, you never steal, you’re polite to people from other countries . . .”
    â€œYeah, remember that time I gave those really long directions to that family from Canada? I didn’t have to do that . . .”
    â€œThere ya go.”
    â€œYeah, maybe you’re right . . .”
    It was very dark, and all I heard was my heart beating in my ears.
    â€œSo we’re doing this?”
    â€œWhat?”
    â€œWe’re