Are You Sitting Down? Read Free Page A

cation visiting Mom. I bumped into Justin one night at a community theater production. I didn’t recognize him from high school, but he later told me he had recognized me. Our eyes met and locked in that chilling stare that two people like us share, when no words and no introductions are necessary. We immediately knew the one thing we had in common. We both slept with men.
    He was seated several rows behind me. I could feel the weight of his hazel eyes on the back of my head, so much I wanted to turn around and look back at him. I didn’t. At inte r mission I stood up to stretch and faced the back of the auditorium , nodding to the familiar yet nameless faces I had not seen in years . Justin’s seat was empty. He had rushed out to smoke, and hoped I’ d come out looking for him. But h e had no words to share with me, and smoked half a pack anxiously ho p ing I’d come speak to him first. But I was a chicken too and didn’t go looking for him.
    The lights flickered si gna ling the start of the second act. He rushed back in and just as I was about to sit back down , our eyes met again. Justin smiled an awkward smile ; he later told me he was just glad I was still there . I gave a nod as if I knew who he was. I wanted to know. Gutsy, he waited for me at the back of the auditorium when the show was over. I stayed seated to let the crowd thin out, somehow knowing he’d be there looking for me. I wanted him to be, and had secretly wished for it through the second act. My wish came true.
    “Did you go to R D ?” Justin asked, pulling away from the wall where he’d been leaning. Ruby Dregs was also the name of the local high school.
    “Yeah. Class of 93. You?”
    “Class of 94.”
    “Really?”
    “I’m Justin. Justin Black,” he said offering a trembling hand for me to shake.
    “ I’m Travis—“
    “Travis White?” h e asked, interrupting me.
    “Yeah,” I said. His hand was cold and clammy when I shook it , but I didn’t want to let go.
    We went for coffee that night at the Pancake House. After community college, Justin had worked odd local retail jobs. He was currently the manager of a wicker imports store that had just opened here two years ago. Although this was his hom e town , he wasn’t happy here. He lived at home with his parents. He’d never had a boyfriend. He needed to escape.
    It would be six months before that happened. He stayed with me every weekend in Memphis when he didn’t have to work. I showed him the city. He liked it. He wanted to be here with me on a regular basis. I wanted him here. To my surprise, he secretly started looking for a job. When he found one, he surprised me over dinner one night by asking if he could move in with me. My studio was too small for us, so we looked for a larger apartment. Our first place. Together.
    We often shared a laugh about our last names being o p posites. Black and White. We dressed as salt and pepper shakers one year for a Halloween party. But secretly, i t worried me. I was afraid as a couple, we’d be total opposites too after Justin moved in with me. I knew what it was like to be a young man finally free of the chains of a close-minded small town and new to the city. It changes you. You rush into things just to exper i ence them. You break hearts and get yours broken. You turn you r back on regrets. I’d had six years to myself in the city to get pas t all that, but Justin was different and he constantly reminded me of that. And he was right .
    He never once turned his back on me.
     
    * * * *
     
    My mother was a tall lady, as tall as me at six three. She was elegantly thin with straight shoulder-length frosted hair that she parted down the middle. Her black thick rimmed glasses and Roman nose gave her a boyish look in the face, like a clumsy cartoon bird. We’d tried to get her to swap the rims for something a little daintier. She hated the word dainty and refused to be associated with it. She only wore the glasses for reading, and since she