Apples Read Free Page B

and the name of a college. He worked for some firm in Middlesbrough, and it sounded a bit shit but at least he’d have money and good prospects. I didn’t even know what I wanted to do when I grew up – I did model for Sugar magazine once the year before, and I started to regret not saying I was a model. I tucked my fingers in his shirt and gazed at him buying us vodka and Cokes which came to about six pound. He was a keeper.
    After the petrol Cokes I began to feel shit. All the colour fell off my face, and I didn’t know if the tight feeling inside was lack of food or poppers but it was quite obvious I’d had too much bevvy. And once you think that, there’s no going back. I tried my hardest to keep kissing Ben, feeling my tummy churn up all the shit and crap and my head felt like it was splitting. I couldn’t carry on dancing – I was a wobbly mess. I forced one more peck on his lips, then chickened out and said, I’m just nipping to the loo.
    Then I stormed quickly as I could to the bathroom, pushing through bunches of lasses and getting all the brutal looks off them. They were jealous little bitches, but I was in a desperate state of affairs. I almost cried as I locked myself in the white cubicle, then nervously retched a few times before sicking all over the toilet. It was brownish, and I wasn’t sure why. I should’ve eaten something. I burped up a bit more spew, then tried to wipe off the rim and flush it. All my energy whirlpooled down the toilet, and all I wanted to do was fall asleep or pass out – I checked the love-heart and it said after one, but the girls always wanted to stay til three and I wasn’t sure I could take it. I chucked the cover down and sat for a while, deep breathing and trying to stop my head spinning. I knew from experience not to shut your eyes – when we used to go to Millennium in about Year Nine, once upon a time we got the all-inclusive drinks and I got thrown out for throwing up and passing out on the sofas. I wondered for a second who had to clean up the sick after a night out. I sighed on the bright tiles – my mam was wrong; you don’t automatically feel better after puking up. I rubbed wet out of my eyes, and just when I thought I’d forgotten about Mam’s cancer it came thundering back to haunt me. The night was a black hole – I hoped she wasn’t lonely. When I finally summoned the energy to get out of the cubicle, there was a bunch of girls complaining about the wait but I don’t think it was aimed at me. I put on more blush as two girls squeezed in my cube, and I started not to look too bad in the pocked mirror. I was suffering though, half wanting to go back and shag Ben and half wishing I’d stayed home with Mam. I was blowing my nose in the sink when I realised I needed to pee. My head was whizzing round, and it felt like someone was battering me with a blunt object. I waited cross- armed for another stall to empty, all cold with nothing in me whatsoever. Eventually a door opened and I took the girl’s place on the toilet – the seat had been completely hacked off; if I wasn’t in a state I would’ve put down paper but who really cares. I dropped my undies then dropped my head. I cried til I wiped. I got out the poppers again to cheer me up, but all they did was crack my head open and make me feel paranoid. I realised I’d been more than half an hour in the loo, and when I walked through the busy club everything seemed misty and back-to-front.
    Now Eve, this boy named Johnny said, and I hugged him slightly. You feeling alright?

    I shrugged and I nodded – he got the idea. We whisked each other onto the dancefloor but without much conviction – Johnny was quite cute, but he knew my sister Laura and apparently he fucked loads of girls and forgot all about them. We didn’t say anything for a while so I left him by the DJ box – I felt so crap about my mam, I thought I’d say something stupid to him and wake up with more stuff to worry about. I always