An Hour in the Darkness Read Free Page B

noticed you before suddenly will notice you. And the doctors won’t leave you alone for the rest of your life. Listen, I’m telling you for your own good. Don’t scream, okay?
    I used to sit on my bed reading. I must have read about a million books back then. I spent whole days in the Black Cat Bookshop. I can read pretty fast when I’m scared. I read feverishly, I think. No listen, it’s true, I can read through the night. It’s because I don’t sleep too good I know.
    I read a book about this guy who was a comedian. It all happened about a million years ago in the good old days of variety entertainment and everything. Apparently, this comedian was just about the funniest guy on the planet back then. I think his name was Charlie Cheeky Boy, or something, I don’t know, I can’t remember. Anyway, old Charlie had the audience eating out of his goddamn hands he was so funny. He also wore just about the brightest suit you ever saw. I know this because there was a photograph of him and, although it was in black and white, you just knew the suit was real loud by the pattern.
    Listen, there’s another thing you should know about
Charlie, okay?
He
was risqué.
Listen, this guy was blue. He used to tickle the ladies’ fancies back then until they were practically begging him to sleep with them. I don’t know, perhaps I made that bit about sleeping with him up. Listen, this chap could make the audiences of today blush. He was bubbly, believe me.
    Anyway – and here’s the important bit, the part that I couldn’t get out of my mind – this cheeky chappie
,
this wise-guy who was always rolling his eyes at the ladies on stage, was chronically shy off it. I swear he was. Listen to me. It was all in the book, okay? This impostor couldn’t even hold a proper conversation with you he was so inept socially. Christ, this bloke couldn’t even look you in the eye, for Chrissake. The book said that this so-called hotshot had some kind of social phobia. Boy, I just couldn’t take it in too well. This charlatan just stayed in his room all day because he was terrified of going out and meeting people.
    He never had any friends.
In fact, the author couldn’t find one person in the whole damn world who actually knew the guy personally. Christ, all those women screaming at him and he never once had a girlfriend. Listen, he never had a sexual experience in his life. Behind all that laughter, this guy was nothing. He was a one-trick fucking pony and it just about killed me to read about it, okay? You take the laughter away and there’s nothing. It’s all in the book.

3

    Anyway, I met this really nice girl called Ronnie. Ronnie wasn’t just a nice girl, she was
the
girl – you know – the girl you finally meet and fall in love with. I think I fell in love with Ronnie about a split-second after I first saw her. Listen, Ronnie wasn’t the most beautiful girl in the world or anything, but she sure was pretty. She had long black hair cascading down her back – yes, cascading – and grey eyes that just about took your breath away. Sometimes, if Ronnie laid her eyes on you without warning, you were done for. One second you were staring at her, thinking she didn’t know, and the next second, wham, she’d turn around and look at you. There was no warning, believe me. There were white flecks in Ronnie’s eyes that lit up brighter than chalk strokes on a blackboard, and that’s me being romantic. Ronnie’s eyes could throw you around the room, if you let them. And I think Ronnie knew the effect her eyes had on you, if you really want to know. I think Ronnie did all that eye-flicking stuff on purpose. I think it used to amuse her when all was said and done. Yeah, thinking about it, I reckon old Ronnie was bursting with pride because she knew damn well she could get the whole male population down on their knees if she wanted