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fella walk all the way from Boise. That’s a good day of walking,” my father said. Everyone at the table laughed.
    “You owe me my best guy,” he continued. “Maybe Tommy’s not your dream man, but he is mine. So I’ll expect you bright and early out there since you seen to it that my guy’s nowhere around.”
    I couldn’t argue with my father. His verdict was fair and I set my alarm, got up at five and joined him and the other men outside in my work clothes. The harvest stops for no one.
    I was sitting on a barrel, eating an apple, when I spied Tommy’s figure at the gate. A couple of the guys ran over to him and my father, somewhat instinctively, turned to him. I took it all as my cue to go inside for a while. I liked watching soap operas but being in one was not my style.
    I’d thought we had been discreet. I’d thought no one had known. Finding out that they had was not only devastating, but it irked me. I’d always had my secret plan, my secret version of myself, and the way they all looked at me now, I could tell the only version of me they saw was Tommy’s.
     
    * * * *
     
    However secret we’d kept ourselves before, news spread about the cruel way I’d rejected Tommy. Everyone disapproved of me and offered their sympathies to him. It was so typical. Faith told me I’d made the worst choice of my life and that now I’d never find a decent man, since I’d ruined things with Tommy. She could be so dramatic.
    “He’s like every other man,” I told Faith. “I could get him back like that if I wanted.” I snapped my fingers.
    “You could not.”
    “Watch me.”
    The dare was on. I had never lost an argument with Faith about anything. With my naïve sister in tow, I went to our room, where I changed into my white summer dress. Of all my clothes, this dress was the most revealing of my cleavage. I peeled off my panties and tossed them under my covers. Faith followed me out back to where the men were working.
    “Tommy? Can I have a moment with you?”
    He cocked his head to one side, confused by my friendly tone. “Sure.”
    I took him by the hand and led him off to the orchard. I turned back and gestured to Faith to follow us, which she did not. I felt like I’d won already.
    On the way to the orchard, Tommy said, “I’m heartbroken.”
    “Don’t be so sentimental,” I said.
    “I wanted to you to be my wife and you just laughed at me. Do you have any idea what that does to a guy?”
    “It wasn’t personal. It’s not you I find laughable—it’s marriage.”
    “Marriage?”
    “The whole charade of it, the idea of one woman and one man acknowledging before God and man that they will only ever love each other.”
    “What’s wrong with that?”
    “Nothing, but it’s not the way my heart works. And the idea that marriage means monogamy. I find that laughable, too.”
    “You do?” He was incredulous.
    “Of course. I’ve heard you talk about other women. I know you have needs.”
    “Oh, Julie. You overheard us? Oh, baby, I’m sorry. That wasn’t for your ears. That’s just how guys talk. I was making it up.”
    “It’s okay, Tommy. It’s natural. I have needs, too.”
    “I was planning on taking good care of your needs once we got married.”
    “I know, Tommy. Let’s just skip the marriage part and I’ll let you take care of my needs right now.”
    “Julie, it’s wrong.”
    “No, it isn’t.”
    I ran my hand down his front, feeling for his bulge. Even though I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life with him, I sure did appreciate the hulking gorgeousness that was Tommy. I felt him harden inside his jeans.
    “Julie, I’m confused.”
    “Don’t think so much, Tommy. Just let me take care of you.”
    I unzipped his jeans and reached in to pull out his semi-erect penis. Holding it in my hand made me feel powerful. I stroked him.
    “I don’t know if this is a good idea.”
    “Trust me, it is.”
    “But, Julie…”
    “Shhh.”
    I squatted down in front of him