All That I Need (Secret Desires) Read Free Page B

that.
    Rinsing off, I turned off the water and reached for a towel. Drying my body, I looked over at Austin buried under the covers, sleeping once again. With a deep sigh, I finished toweling off. I have to tell him, it’s the right thing to do. Maybe it will be the push he needs to find a job, or maybe he could even get back into school if he talks to somebody. I wanted to feel hopeful, but instead all I felt was dread. Maybe I’ll do it after work – not now.
    Chapter Four
    I sat in my car gripping the steering wheel, knowing I had to tell my husband. I was sitting in front of the house, but I couldn’t bring myself to get out of the car. Hot tears ran down my cheeks. I felt like my moment of excitement was robbed from me. What should have been a beautiful moment, a joyous occasion, was anything but that. Instead I was hesitant to tell Austin, and nervous he’d react poorly.
    What then? How would I deal with that? I wiped away my tears with the back of my hand, and finally got out of the car. It was now or never. I didn’t like having a secret, and this was something incredible to share – still it felt scary.
    Letting myself in, I placed my purse on the small table by the door and went to find Austin.
    I found him in bed, right where I left him this morning. I felt disgust and held my tongue. I’d tell him later. “Did you even get out of bed today?”
    “Why does it matter? I didn’t have anything to do.”
    I sat on the edge of the bed, “You’re sliding again,” I said, biting my cheek, stopping myself from yelling. I was frustrated we were back to this, a lack of motivation and his moods dictating our future.
    “I’m fine,” he groaned from under the covers.
    “Austin, this isn’t healthy for either of us.”
    “I don’t want to talk about it,” he said, rolling away from me.
    “Would you please talk to somebody, anybody about it? You’re heading right back into desolate territory again, and I don’t know how to help you.”
    “I don’t need your help, and I don’t need you to fix me. I’m not broken, I’m simply distracted.”
    We both knew that was a lie.
    “Austin,” I held my tongue and walked away before saying anything else. Nagging wouldn’t do either of us any good.
    He was shutting down again. I have no idea why, and he wasn’t sharing. All I knew was that he dropped out of his schooling, we had bills to pay, and I didn’t know where his future would be. We had a baby coming, and my salary alone wouldn’t be enough to raise a family.
    I needed him to feel inspired, and want to get out there. The only thing he wanted to do was sit in his chair by the television or sleep. What happened to the man I loved?
    I sat on the secret of my pregnancy a little longer, uncertain how to break the news without bursting into tears. I was worried I was alone in the marriage at this point, and didn’t know how to get him back. He was distant, not wanting to talk, shutting down, and wouldn’t take calls from friends.
    It wasn’t until his paranoia started to grow, that I knew I had to reach him. He’d stand at the window, looking through the slats of the blind, waiting for something to happen, anything.
    The words slipped out when I least expected it. He was pacing in front of the window, worried about a service truck that had pulled up. A line man was working on a pole, but Austin watched him closely, then paced, and went back to watching him.
    “You can’t do this,” I started. “You need to get out of the house, get a job, and get our lives back. I can’t do this, I have enough other stuff to worry about, but this….this…this paranoia has to stop.”
    He spun around to look at me, “Do you know who that is?” He was unfazed by my comments. He was glancing out the window again.
    “Austin, I’m pregnant. You’re going to be a father. That scares me at this point.”
    He stared at me. “What?”
    “I’m pregnant.” I didn’t know how else to phrase it, to break the news