All She Ever Wanted Read Free Page B

anything you take will go through to the baby while you’re nursing.”
    She nodded, not wanting to face him because that would make her cry. Everything made her cry these days. “I don’t want to do anything to hurt my baby.” Her voice was tight, her throat dry and scratchy. “But isn’t there something? My sister said there are some medications that can be prescribed to nursing mothers.”
    â€œYour sister . . . is she a doctor?”
    She opened her eyes. “No.”
    He grunted. “Diagnosing you over the Internet, I take it?”
    It was true, but why did he make her feel bad for asking? “I came here because I can’t take this anymore. I can’t go on feeling this way.” She brought her burning eyes to his hateful face. “I need your help.”
    â€œWell.” He frowned, and she looked down as a tear ran down her cheek. “If it’s that bad I’ll write you a prescription for something that won’t harm the baby. But it takes a while to work. You probably won’t notice it taking effect for a week or so.” He took a pad out of a drawer and scribbled something on it. “There. Is that what you wanted?”
    Chelsea clutched the prescription as if it were a lifeline. “What about therapy?” Emma had told her to ask about it.
    â€œThat’s only in the worst cases, and I don’t think it’s warranted here. The baby blues go away on their own. . . .” The doctor’s voice was fuzzy, as if coming from the other side of a wall.
    A massive wall.
    Chelsea was walled in. Imprisoned with her baby. And talking about things changing in a few weeks or a few years was like the promise of a parole hearing in thirty years. It was too far away to be real.
    â€œOf course, if it’s really bad, I can recommend a therapist.” He flipped through her file and rubbed his jaw. “I can’t tell if your insurance would cover that. You’d have to call and find out. Chances are you’d have to pay out of pocket.”
    Their health care insurance was another issue. It wasn’t long after Chelsea’s discharge from the hospital that unresolved claims from Sounder Health Care had begun flooding in—all of them with a series of complicated footnotes implying problems.
    No . . . she couldn’t face trying to get one more approval from Sounder Health Care and they certainly couldn’t afford to pay out of pocket.
    She would tough it out without therapy.
    I can do this, she told herself.
    â€œHoney, with your determination, I believe you can do anything.” That was what Mom used to tell her. When Chelsea announced that she was going to run for class president, find a job as an editor, or restore their little house one tile at a time, her mother always gave her the green light. “If anyone can do it, it’s you.”
    Mom would have understood. She would have driven up from Florida, parked her suitcase in the guest room, and sent Dad grocery shopping while she fussed over Annabelle and cooked up a storm. Chelsea had seen Mom take over at her older sister’s house every time Melanie had a new baby. For Mom, it had been a labor of love, and people were always happy to submit to Judith Maynard’s loving authority.
    Mom should be here . . . but she wasn’t. They had lost her just days before Annabelle was born . . . so close to Chelsea’s due date that she hadn’t been allowed to fly to Florida to attend her own mother’s funeral. Sometimes anger flared when Chelsea thought about it. Resentment that she couldn’t be there to say good-bye and fury with her mother for refusing treatment. They could have had more time together. Mom could have met her granddaughter. . . .
    As if on cue, Annabelle let out a little squeak.
    Chelsea saw the baby’s lips moving. It would be time to feed her soon. The poor little thing. Did she sense that she was the source of so much