All Days Are Night Read Free Page A

to like her. He was very tender, but over time they slept together less and less often. They were both so busy that Gillian kept putting off the conversation she meant to have with him about it.
    When he dropped to his knees and asked for her hand in marriage, she laughed and tousled his hair. It was in an expensive restaurant where they knew her and greeted her by name. First, the situation felt embarrassing, then she enjoyed it. Over the course of the following years, there had been a good many carefully orchestrated candlelight dinners and champagne breakfasts, and a surprise party for her thirty-fifth birthday with the guests in masks, weekend outings to spa hotels, overnight trips to specially decorated rooms for romantic couples.
    Then she got the job as host, and suddenly she was making as much as Matthias. What really seemed to get to him, though, was the fact that when they were both reporting on the same events, she was the one who seemed to matter. Only now did Gillian understand that he might know everyone by name, but no one really took him seriously. When she did interviews, she sometimes out of the corner of her eye saw him standing around nearby. No sooner was the camera switched off than he would turn up and jump into the conversation. He would demonstratively throw his arm around her, or kiss her.
    Is he really offended? asked Dagmar when she came back.
    We had a fight this afternoon, said Gillian. She got up and went out into the garden. Matthias was on the terrace,smoking. What’s the matter? Her voice sounded harsher than she had intended. Come back in, it’s freezing out here.
    He claimed she had been flirting with Dagmar. Was it her who took the pictures? he asked.
    That’s enough, said Gillian.
    We’re going, said Matthias, as though he hadn’t heard her.
    I’m not good to drive, said Gillian, and she traced a one-fingered spiral in the air. We can always stay with Dagmar.
    You’d like that, wouldn’t you, he said.
    She left him and went back into the house. Someone spoke to her, but she didn’t reply, and poured herself a glass of grappa, knocked it back, and then another. Are you planning on staying the night here? asked Dagmar. Perhaps we’d better, she said with a laugh.
    Yes, said Gillian, we had a fight. But that doesn’t matter now.
    Her father stood up. Take some of the flowers, why don’t you, she said. I’ve no idea who sent them all. Do you want me to read the cards? he asked. She shook her head. I feel like I’m a corpse in a mortuary.
    That afternoon her mother called to thank her for the flowers. She asked when she could visit Gillian.
    Ideally never.
    Every intact face reminded Gillian of the destruction of her own. And she had the feeling she had to bear the horror of the other person, and comfort them with her own bravery. The only thing she could endure was the presence of the doctors and nurses.
    Her mother didn’t push it. She said she had been tothe apartment and cleared out the fridge and done the laundry.
    Thank you, said Gillian, there’s no need. My operation’s tomorrow, and then we’ll see. She said she was tired.
    Take care.
    You too.
    She tried to sleep, so as not to think of the crash, the operation, Matthias.
    In the afternoon her father came by again. He was very matter-of-fact. After the first operation she could theoretically go home, he said.
    But it’s probably advisable to stay in the hospital until you’re half —
    You mean until I look like a human being again? asked Gillian.
    Until you can walk properly. When can you put weight on your leg?
    They’ve inserted a plate, said Gillian. I should be able to walk in a week.
    Anyway, it’s very nice here, said her father. As good as a hotel. We can’t offer you that quality of care at home.
    I don’t need looking after, said Gillian.
    If anything crops up, give me a call. He got up and held out his hand.
    I’ve got all I need, said Gillian. Say hi to Mom for me.
    Try and understand her, said her