Aliens for Dinner Read Free Page A

from passing time in the … hallways when they should be spending it to better effect. That is … moving briskly alongto their next class, asking … pertinent questions of their devoted teachers, or, most important of all, … studying.
    “My next point … is about the copy machine. As you know, a paper clip … left in the copier can do it … serious harm. It can jam the machine, thus … incapacitating it. I hope you will look that word up. This, in turn … can affect the workings of the en tire … school. For what is a school without … a copy machine?
    “I will answer that. It is a ship without … a sail. A car without … an engine. A refrigerator without … an ice-cube maker …”
    Principal Felshin droned on and on. Richard, like most of the other kids in his class, didn’t pay him any attention. Principal Felshin made two or three announcements a day, and they were all incredibly long and incredibly boring. Richard sometimes thought the principal should have a radio show late at night for people with insomnia. He could put anyone to sleep. The kids all called him The Sandman.
    Richard felt his eyelids getting heavy.He looked around the art room. A few kids were yawning. And Felshin had been talking for only two minutes!

    Aric stirred in Richard’s pocket again. “There is something about the way this man speaks …” he said. Principal Felshin’s droning voice finally stopped and the PA system shut off with a loud buzz.
    “You mean Felshin?” asked Richard. “What about him? He’s totally boring.”
    “By the Great Gazook!” boomed Aric. “Boring! That’s it!”
    “What’s it?” asked Richard. “What doyou mean?”
    Just then the bell rang. School was over for the day. Suddenly the art room was wide awake again. Richard grabbed his pack, jumped out of his seat, and joined the crowd that was rushing out of the building.
    “What’s going on?” he said to Aric as soon as they were off the school grounds. “The suspense is killing me.” He pulled Aric out of his pocket.
    “I have just remembered something about the Dwilbs. Something crucial!” declared Aric.
    “What is it?”
    “There is a disease they catch very easily.”
    “A disease? What kind of disease?” asked Richard.
    “It is called boredomitis,” said Aric. “And it is fatal.”
    “I’m not sure I understand,” said Richard. “You mean if they get bored they get sick and die?”
    “In a nutshell, yes,” said Aric. “They have very short attention spans. So they getbored very easily And as soon as they do, they get boredomitis. But they don’t die right away,” added Aric. “The disease has four distinct stages.”
    “What are they?” asked Richard.
    “Bored silly. Bored to tears. Bored stiff. And bored to death,” said Aric.
    “Really?” said Richard. He found himself grinning at the little alien. Suddenly he felt hopeful again. It was a great feeling.
    “Really,” said Aric. He grinned back.
    “Then all we’ve got to do is bore them to death!” said Richard. “Right?”
    “No!” said Aric. “We must bore them stiff. Then we can ship them back to Dwilb. Once they recover they will tell everyone on Dwilb how boring Earth is. No Dwilb will ever want to come here again.”
    Richard imitated the Dwilbs. “Too boring! Too boring!” he squawked.
    “If I may say so,” said Aric, “it is the perfect solution.”
    “Except for one thing,” said Richard. “How are we going to do it?”

At seven o’clock that evening, Richard heard his mother calling him down to dinner. “Coming, Mom,” he called back, putting Aric in his pocket. He charged down to the dining room. There, to his surprise, was Bob. He was setting the table. Richard’s good mood whooshed away like air out of a balloon.
    “Hi, Richard. Good to see you! Good to see you!” said Bob.
    Richard felt a twinge of fear.
Sorry I can’t say the same, Mr. Alien Head
, he thought. He tried to smile politely. It came out like theface you