Against the Grain Read Free

as mentally. As for your baby bro, I’m holding my own.
    Dig, I ain’t never really felt I could talk to you about pressin’ issues but with Mommy on her back right now, I have no options. At any rate, I feel like the whole world is on my shoulders. It ain’t even an issue of finances either. I could bitch, but it won’t get any better afterwards, so I just continue to press on. I have no “me” time and my obligations is to Mommy, Caleek, Lil ‘C’, and this house. Shit ain’t nowhere near the same and when I say I’m carrying all the weight, I’m carrying all the weight! Fuck it. My family, my responsibility. I can’t worry about who helps and who doesn’t. Shit mad different now. I mean, I always felt like I held it down even when Mommy was up, but now everything has a different feel to it. Nigga, look, it was a whole lot simpler when you was here, you know? Reality is crazy. I had to grow up real quick! Ain’t no time to second guess yourself, use your better judgment on certain issues and lay ya thing down . . . fuck it, press forward!
    A yo, our mother is terminally ill . . . and what’s fucking with me the most is, I’m taking all this shit personally. She’s my best friend and my mother
(
double fucking blow
)
! I got a little brother that I try to convince shit ain’t bad. I got an older sister in denial and cryin’ damn near every day over her mother. Add to that a big brother with his hands tied, who constantly needs a descriptive account of what’s going on. More than Mommy’s hurting, I’m hurting bad as hell!
    Dig, this ain’t no “smiley” “happy” letter, cause I ain’t smiling. Shit is the way it is. “Me against the world”
(
always felt like that
)
. I use to thrive in that “I don’t need no help” mentality. I need help though. If not for nothing else but to vent some of my tension. A family crisis and no family to lend me any assistance. This is where Mommy use to come in for me!
    She doesn’t want you to know that she’s sick
(
said you might worry
)
so don’t tell her I told you. She also said that she’s going to see you next week. It’s suppose to be a surprise, so act surprised. God bless us Big Bro.
    Love is Love,
Tramaine
    P.S.
Don’t think for one second
That I’m not holdin’ it down . . .
I remember everything you taught me.
I just need my mother . . . fuck it.

    Kay tore the letter up and headed for his room. He thought about the letter over and over. He wondered what was wrong with his mother and he tried to picture life without her. There was a knot in his stomach. It hurt just to think about his mom dying. There was also a feeling of joy inside Kay. From the letter he could tell that his little brother was becoming a man. He was growing up. He was strong. He stood up and became the man of the house like his older brother.
    Kay went to his housing unit and got straight on the phone. He quickly dialed the number to his house. His little brother Caleek answered the phone on the third ring.
    “Hello.”
    “What’s up, little nigga?”
    “Kay?! What’s up, man?” Caleek was filled with excitement. “Yo, I miss you, Kay.”
    “I miss you, too, little bro. What’s going on with you?”
    “Nothing much. Still trying to get on with this rappin’ stuff. Plus I got all the girls in school on me now,” he boasted before switching to something a little more serious. “Yo, have you talked to Sonia?”
    “No!” In fact, Kay hadn’t spoken to Sonia since she went AWOL on him. “Why?”
    “I just asked, cause Lil ‘C’ was over here yesterday. Sonia doesn’t bring him around much anymore. One of us has to go get him. Anyway, I caught him staring at your picture yesterday that’s all. I can tell he misses you.”
    “Nah, since that bitch Sonia flipped on me, she don’t do shit. She won’t write, she won’t send me her phone number or her new address. She won’t even send pictures of my son.”
    “Well, the next time he comes over, I’ll