Abandon Read Free

by her in the midst of the muddle she had made.
    “I cannot. I love you so much as a friend and brother. But I will never marry. And you should find a more suitable companion, a lady to marry and love you in all the ways that you deserve.” Lucy ached, her entire body tense and still, hoping that Jamie would understand. He lifted his free hand to cover the small hand that she still held to the side of his face.
    “You know that I find you suitable or I would not have asked,” Carlisle was gentle but firm.
    “Yes, I know and I much appreciate your friendship and how you have supported me in these last years. Richard is also excessively grateful for your aid in rehabilitating our name which I so disgraced in the eyes of the ton.” The bitterness with which she said this surprised Lucy.  She must have recovered from that mad Season by now. Her life currently was calm, pleasurable and serene.
    So she tried for a lighter tone. “I do intend to live my life at home with only occasional trips to town. I am happy there, indeed, I would be there now if not for Harriet. It is not the type of life the Duchess of Carlisle must lead. She must be a leader of the Ton, holding balls and gracing social affairs. I could not make you happy.” She leaned her forehead against his broad chest. If anyone came out on the terrace and saw her, she would be compromised once more. But she wanted to give him some comfort if she could and she would deal with any fallout later.
    Carlisle stepped back though, correct as always. He did not smile but she thought that his face, while not smiling, had relaxed and the tightness around his eyes had eased.
    “I do wish that you felt otherwise, my dear. You are too young to give up all hope of husband and family. Do you not want children of your own someday?” He was so kind and Lucy thought her heart might break, but she could not give in. It would be a good life with Jamie, placid and unruffled, and her ducal status would force the Ton to accept her if reluctantly. But she had a life of her own that she would not leave and he had his own duties and responsibilities. There would never be the passion that she had once had and for a moment the idea tempted her but she could not do it.
    Slowly Lucilla shook her head and Carlisle seemed to finally concede. “Then I suppose we should return to the ballroom. Perhaps you might grace me with a dance?”
    Lucilla stared into his face in the light of the torches on the terrace, but his eyes were kind and he gave her a small smile. She was reassured that there was no heartbreak on either side, maybe just a little regret. And she knew how to live with regret. She took his arm and turned back to the doors.
    Below in the gardens, Aubrey St. Clare stared into the darkness beyond him, stunned on what he had overheard. Lucy should have accepted the man’s offer, he thought. And it was his fault.

Chapter Three
     
    Aubrey St. Clare, Viscount Lovell, was not in a hurry as he strolled down Bond Street. He had an appointment with his boot maker after ordering his boots he had a few more errands before he stopped at his club. He intended to stop at Lackington Allen’s to peruse for new books for his library. It was a sunny day, and shoppers crowded the streets, browsing the windows and covertly observing other members of the Ton. But Aubrey ignored them all, being much too caught up in his own thoughts to pay them any mind. They were not happy thoughts so the scowl on his face was enough to warn off any who might have thought to interrupt his deliberations. Indeed, two young ladies who might ordinarily have tried to catch his attention turned to each other as they passed him. A display of ribbons seemed much safer to inspect.
    His mind was in a whirl and that was not a state in which he was comfortable. He had grown accustomed to the serenity of Italy, the brilliant sunshine on the dark green olive trees, the blue of the Mediterranean Sea. He had lived in solitary