A Twist in the Tale (2011) Read Free

a little bewildered by my choice. “What size are you, dear?”
    I
coughed to clear my throat and mumbled, “I don’t really know, I guess a 16-18.
I’ve gained a little weight recently,” I said my cheeks flushing.
    “Haven’t
we all, dear. At this time of year I always make the excuse it’s the thick
winter woollies I’m wearing.” She winked as she took the correct size costume
off the rack and handed it to me.
     In
the changing room, I squeezed myself into the tiny outfit and was amazed how
good I looked in it. Even though I could see lumps and bumps jutting out in
obscure places.
    “How
endearing you look, my dear. Here put this on and it’ll give the outfit the
finishing touch,” she said handing me a matching hat.
    “All
I need now is some blue suede shoes,” I said admiring my image in the mirror.
    She
frowned and fell silent.
    “Did
I say something wrong?”
    “Let’s
just say I’ve never heard that request before with this particular outfit.” She
shrugged and set off in search of the shoes.
    “Here
we are, dear. I took a gamble on you being a size six.”
    “A
six is perfect, thank you.” I tried the shoes on and they were a perfect fit.
The shop assistant was right, it did seem an odd combination, but it was what
the invitation had stated.
    I
paid for the costume hire and stopped by the bakers on the way home and picked
up a Cornish pasty for my tea.
    Saturday
night arrived and to ease my anxiety I decided to have a nice long soak in the
bath. I was halfway through squeezing myself into my costume when the phone
rang.
    “Hello?”
I said breathlessly.
    “Hi,
Chrissie, just checking in to see how you’re doing,” Tania asked exuding
excitement.
    “I
was just putting my costume on, some friend you are by the way.”
    “What
have I done wrong, now?”
    “Why
didn’t you tell me I’d put on so much weight,” I chastised her.
    “Oh,
Chrissie, I’m so sorry. You’ll soon get it off again. We’ll start going to the
gym together next week. Hey, how’s the costume look?”
    “It’s
great. The woman at the shop was so helpful. Mind you, I felt a bit like Mr
Benn in there.”
    Tania
was still laughing when I hung up a few minutes later. She’d wanted to drop by
and pick me up but I told her I’d meet her at the party, it was silly for her
to go out of their way.
     
    The
taxi driver laughed when I sat in the back of his cab. I swear he was a
comedian in his spare time the amount of one-liners he aimed at me. I smiled at
him but inside I was seething. I had a horrific thought that maybe my friends
would react in the same way when they saw me.
    Of
course they won’t, they’ll be wearing the same goofy outfit.
    “There
we go. Have a great time, I’m sure you will in that get up,” the driver said
when we reached our destination.
    I
smoothed down the red felt jacket over my protruding backside and hitched up my
green leggings over my round belly. Then I bent down and pulled up my stripy
red and white socks, finally I adjusted my pointed green hat.
    I
was ready.
    Six
months imprisonment well and truly behind me. Life…here I come, again.
    Hesitantly,
I rang the bell to the large Georgian home belonging to another good friend of
mine.
    Dave
answered the door with a can of beer in his hand. He had beer stains galore
down the front of his white suit. His eyes sparkled with amusement when he saw
me standing on the front step. “Tania, Steve, Sharon, come and take a look,” he
shouted behind him.
    Three
more pristine white suits appeared and my friends looked at me in awe.
    “Chrissie,
what’s going on? Where’s your Elvis outfit?” Tania asked finally.
    “But
my invitation said…I have it here.” I took the card out of the envelope. Oh my
God, I’d made the most dreadful mistake. Blue suede shoes Elvis party. My mouth dropped open, I’d read it as a blue suede shoes Elves party.
    “As
well as joining the gym next week, young lady, I think I’d better enrol you in
some