A Great Deserted Landscape (Electric Literature's Recommended Reading) Read Free

leaned over me and examined it. His assistant came with the stretcher, and they lifted me onto it. They carried me up the steps and into the bedroom. Sonja walked in front to show them the way. They lay me down on the bed, then left, Sonja too. She returned shortly afterwards. I’m going along to the hospital with Mom, she said. Okay, I said. Do you need anything? she asked. No, I said. She left. I hadn’t meant to be so short, not really, after all I realized Mom might also need her help.
    After a while it was completely quiet in the house. My eyes slowly closed, and I saw that great deserted landscape, that’s painful to see, it’s far too big, and far too desolate, and in a way it’s both within me and around me. I opened my eyes to make it go away, but I was so tired, they closed by themselves. Probably due to the pills. I’m not afraid, I said out loud, just to say something. I said it a few times. Then I don’t remember any more.
    I awoke in the half-light. The curtains were drawn, the alarm clock showed four-thirty. The bedroom door was ajar, and a thin strip of light fell in through the gap. There was a bottle of water on the nightstand, and the bedpan was within easy reach of my good hand. I had no excuse to wake Sonja. I switched on the light and began to read Maigret and the Dead Girl , which Sonja had had with her. After a while I noticed I was hungry, but it was too early to call Sonja. I continued reading. When the clock showed six-thirty I began to grow impatient and slightly irritated. I thought it very inconsiderate of Sonja not to have left some sandwiches for me, she should have realized I’d wake up during the night. I lay there listening for any sounds in the house, but it was utterly silent. I pictured Sonja, and a different appetite took hold. I saw her more clearly than I had ever seen her in reality, and I didn’t do anything to erase the image. I lay like that for a long time, until I heard an alarm clock ring. I picked up the book, but didn’t read it. I waited. Eventually I called out for her. Then she came. She was wearing a pink bathrobe. I lay with the book in my hand so she’d see I had been awake. I heard the alarm clock, I said. You were fast asleep, she said, I didn’t want to wake you. Are you in any pain? My shoulder hurts, I said. Will I get you a pill? she said. Yes, please, I said. She left. She was barefoot. Her heels didn’t touch the ground. I placed the book on the nightstand. She returned with the pill and a glass of water. She held me behind the shoulder. I could see one of her breasts. Then I asked her to put another pillow behind me. You look so pretty, I said. Are you more comfortable now? she asked. Yes, thanks, I said. I’ll make you breakfast soon, she said, I just need to get dressed. That’s not necessary, I said. Aren’t you hungry? she said. Oh yes, I said. She looked at me. I wasn’t able to interpret her look. Then she left. She was gone a long time.
    When she brought me breakfast, she was dressed. She was wearing a loose-fitting blouse buttoned right up. She said I should try to sit up, and she fetched some cushions, which she put behind my back. She was different. She looked everywhere but at me. She placed the tray with sandwiches and coffee on the duvet in front of me. Shout if you need anything, she said, and left.
    After I’d eaten, I made up my mind not to call her, she could come of her own accord. I put the cup and plate on the nightstand and let the tray drop onto the floor, I was pretty sure she’d hear it. I lay waiting, for a long time, but she didn’t come. I thought about how I’d forgotten to ask her how Mom was. Then I thought about how, when I was better, I’d be all on my own. I’d have the house all to myself, there would be no one who’d know when I was coming and going, and no one would know what I was up to. I wouldn’t need to hide.
    At last she came. I’d been feeling the effects of the pill for quite some time, and I