A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to My Sexual Orientation Read Free Page B

the exception to the rule in still being who I was while having these feelings?
    I certainly didn't resemble in any way the kind of stereotypical “fag” used as the butt of a ton of tasteless jokes, so I couldn't be one. This was fine by me because I liked being who I was, the type of person I had potential to become; and there was no room in my life to be one of those limp-wristed, lisping, feminine-looking and acting queers laughed about and resented so openly. If that's what being gay was all about, then I wanted no part of it.
    I didn't want any part of it anyway. I might not yet know exactly who I was, but I did know who I wasn't. My uncertainty about sex merely stemmed with never having been with a woman. Once that happened, I would come to my senses. It was just that simple, or so I thought.
    My head hurt, and I wanted a shower more than anything else. I wanted to step under the rush of hot water and feel all the negative thoughts and energy wash from my body and disappear down the moldy drain on its way to the Commons. There was too much negativity in the world. Society needed to be a little more nurturing, a bit more caring. People needed to be a little kinder and respectful to each other.
    "You smell like shit,” Todd, my Neanderthal and negative roommate informed me matter-of-factly when I unlocked the door and stepped into the small dorm room.
    "Oh, bite me."
    Todd laughed and tossed me a bag of cold onion rings from Burger King. Actually, he wasn't so bad, and I'm not saying that just because he brought me food. Most of the time, one never knows what kind of person he or she will be paired up with in a dorm. I lucked out because Todd respected my privacy and the items I had brought with me from home as I respected his. We got along well enough, too, since we were different enough to make for some interesting conversations and alike enough not to argue over what to watch on TV. Sometimes I proofed or wrote some of his papers, and he paid for a movie in Grand Rapids or bought me a CD. He got what he needed, and I got what I wanted. It was a beneficial arrangement. The food he brought didn't hurt my opinion of him, either.
    "I hope you earned the onion rings,” he wondered out loud and pointed to my backpack. “What did you find?"
    "You may want them back.” I offered him the bag. “Because I couldn't find a thing."
    He declined.
    "The computer didn't have anything on them."
    "Them?” Todd looked at me, confused. “What do you mean them ?"
    "Well...” I rolled my eyes. “...the youth in Asia or youths in Asia. Hello?"
    Sometimes, he was a bit slow.
    "I mean, I tried every combination, but it either told me there was nothing to be found or that I needed to narrow my search."
    "Youths in Asia?” He was staring at me in disbelief.
    "Uh, I think I just said that.” I didn't feel so bad about eating his onion rings now. Sometimes I had to talk very slowly and in small words to get him to understand something. “Which part didn't you understand?"
    "Which part didn't you understand?” he countered. “I said euthanasia ."
    "Youth in Asia, youths in Asia, what's the difference? I still came up empty."
    Todd put his hand up to his forehead in a mock gesture of surrendering to an idiot.
    "What?"
    "E-u-t-h-a-n-a-s-i-a.” He spelled it out for me.
    "Euthanasia?” I spoke the word out loud, and he nodded. “Well, what the hell is that?"
    "That...” Todd smirked at me. “...is what I needed you to find out. Didn't you ask one of the librarians for help?"
    "Huh?” Was he kidding? I stared at him and shoved two more onion rings into my mouth. It was hard to tell at this point which one of us was the bigger moron. At least neither one of us knew what euthanasia was, so in my mind, that made him the more moronic. From his view, I suspected, I should have known what it was, since I generally prided myself on knowing more than he did. That, in his mind, made me the more moronic one.
    The only thing we would agree