A Foolish Consistency Read Free

and Harry immediately began to feel dizzy.
    "Wait," he said. 
    "Don't speak," Roger said.  "You'll only cause yourself brain damage."
    "But I have one final request.  I want to speak to your superiors."
    "Why?"
    The room was spinning.  He was sure to pass out at any moment.  "I have an argument they may not have considered," he said.  "Please, give me that, at least.  You said yourself that you've never destroyed a species.  Don't I deserve every chance possible?"
    Roger's stared at him for what seemed the longest time, then, finally, he clicked a few buttons and the dizziness Harry felt went away.
    "I'll give you that chance," Roger said, "but it could get me into a lot of trouble."
    "Thank you."
    "You better have something good to say." 
    Roger pecked at the consoles until all the screens went dark except one.  That screen showed nothing but static, but then three creatures like Roger appeared.  Roger spoke to them in an odd series of clicks and hisses.  The creatures spoke back.  Roger spoke again, louder this time.  There was a moment of silence, then one of the creatures clicked once.
    Roger turned to Harry.  "They will hear what you have to say.  I have turned on the translator so they will understand you.  Make it kick."
    "Quick?"
    "Right."
    Harry took a deep breath.  It was time to draw upon all of his experience as an orator.  He knew he had to deliver his most powerful speech or the whole planet could be destroyed.  His impromptu persuasiveness had always been one of his greatest strengths.
      "I am not going to deny to you that we are an inconsistent bunch," he said to the faces on the screen, faces so impassive they could have been painted there.  "We do not always do what we say, or say what we do.  I suppose that I represent the epitome of that fault.  But what I argue now is that inconsistency is not a fault at all, but a strength.  It is part of our essential character.  Ralph Waldo Emerson, a wise man among us if there ever was a wise man, one said, 'A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.'  It is our inconsistency that makes life worth living.  It is our inconsistency that makes us unique.  If you destroy us, that uniqueness will be lost.  I suppose what it boils down to is this, the crux of the matter:  if it is consistency you are after, then we are the most consistent of all, because we are consistently inconsistent."
    When he finished speaking, the creatures on the screen turned to one another and clicked and hissed vociferously.  It went on for some time, and it was all Harry could do but hope his message had gotten through to them.  Finally, the creatures stopped.  One of them clicked a few times at Roger, then the monitor returned to static.
    "Well?" Harry asked.
    Roger shook his oval head and stepped up to the glass.  "I did not think it possible," he said.  "They changed their minds.  They are not going to destroy you."
    "Then I did it!  I convinced them!  I always knew I had it in me."
    "Calm yourself.  They did not change their minds for the reasons you think.  Your argument only convinced them how right they were.  You are still zal."

"But why did they let us live?"
    "More than let you live, they have decided to protect you from aggressive races.  You see, your absurd argument proved to them that yes, you are unique, uniquely perverse.  They want to use your planet as an example of what not to be .   They think that by studying how backward your world is other species might benefit.  They could change their minds, however, so I would suggest that you be as perverse as you can manage to be.  You must set the tone for others."
    "You mean they want me to preach high morals while cheating, lying, coveting, and having as much sex with married women as possible?
    Roger had returned to one of his terminals.  He tapped a few buttons and Harry felt the tingling in his legs.
    "That's right," Roger said.  "Do what you were doing before only