A Few Quick Ones Read Free Page A

would have said to Egypt's queen, "but if those are your ideas, I have no option but to cancel the order for the wedding cake and see that work is stopped on the bridesmaids' dresses."
    He looked at his watch. About now his uncle, in Hollrock Manor's picturesque little bar, would be ordering his glass of parsnip juice preparatory to tackling whatever garbage the bill of fare was offering that day, perfectly contented because love conquered all and so forth. Ah, well, he felt, it takes all sorts to make a world.
    At this point in his reverie his meditations were interrupted by a splintering crash in his rear and, turning, he perceived that a chair at a near-by table had disintegrated beneath the weight of a very stout man in a tweed suit. And he was just chuckling heartily at the amusing incident, when the laughter died on his lips. The well-nourished body extricating itself from the debris was that of his Uncle Horace - that selfsame Uncle Horace whom he had just been picturing among the parsnip juices and seaweed soups of Hollrock Manor, Herts. "Uncle!" he cried, hastening to the spot. "Oh, hullo, my boy," said Mr. Prosser, starting to dust himself off. "You here? They seem to make these chairs very flimsy nowadays." he muttered with a touch of peevishness. Or it may be," he went on in more charitable vein, "that I have put on a little weight these last few weeks. This French cooking. Difficult always to resist those sauces. What are you doing in La Ville Lumiere ?"
    "What are you doing in La Ville Lumiere ?" demanded Oofy. "Why aren't you at that frightful place in Hertfordshire?"
    "I left there ages ago."
    "But how about the woman you love?"
    "What woman I love?"
    "The one who called you a hippopotamus."
    "Oh, Loretta Delancy. That's all over. It turned out to be just one of those fleeting shipboard romances. You know how they all look good to you at sea and fade out with a pop when you get ashore. She came to Hollrock Manor one afternoon, and the scales fell from my eyes. Couldn't imagine what I had ever seen in the woman. The idea of going through all that dieting and massage for her sake seemed so damn silly that next day I wrote her a civil note telling her to take a running jump into the nearest lake and packed up and left. Well, it's nice to run into you like this, my dear boy. We must have some big dinners together. Are you staying long in Paris?"
    "I'm leaving today," said Oofy. "I have to see a man named Widgeon on business."
    But he did not see Freddie. Though he haunted the club day and night, yearning for a sight of that familiar face, not a glimpse of it did he get. He saw Bingo Little, he saw Catsmeat Potter-Pirbright, he saw Barmy Phipps, Percy Wimbush, Nelson Cork, Archibald Mulliner and all the other pillars of the Drones who lunched there daily, but always there was this extraordinary shortage of Widgeons. It was as though the young man had vanished from human ken like the captain and crew of the Marie Celeste.
    It was only when he happened to be having a quick one with an Egg who was Freddie's closest friend that the mystery of his disappearance was explained. At the mention of the absent one's name, the Egg sighed a little.
    "Oh, Freddie," he said. "Yes, I can tell you about him. At the moment he is rather unfortunately situated. He owes a bookie fifty quid, and is temporarily unable to settle."
    "Silly ass."
    "Silly, unquestionably, ass, but there it is. What happened was that he drew an uncle in this sweep whom nobody had ever heard of, and blow me tight if he hadn't unexpectedly hit the jackpot. He showed me a snapshot of the man, and I was amazed. I could see at a glance that here was the winner, so far ahead of the field that there could be no competition. Blicester would be an honourable runner-up, but nothing more. Extraordinary how often in these big events you find a dark horse popping up and upsetting all calculations. Well, with the sweepstake money as good as in his pocket, as you might say,