776 Stupidest Things Ever Said Read Free

former President and general, standing up for the way the United States was handling bombing in North Vietnam
On Bombing:
    Everybody should rise up and say, “Thank you, Mr. President, for bombing Haiphong.”
    Martha Mitchell, wife of Attorney General John Mitchell, addressing a Republican Women’s Conference
On Bombing, the True Meaning of:
    You always write it’s bombing, bombing, bombing. It’s not bombing, it’s air support.
    U. S. Air Force Colonel David Opfer, air attaché in Cambodia, complaining to reporters about their coverage of the Vietnam War
On Bonuses, Reason for Giving Over $195 Million in:
    If we didn’t have bonuses, we wouldn’t have had anybody working for us.
    Drexel Burnham Lambert spokesperson, explaining why the company gave over $195 million in bonuses just before it filed for bankruptcy
On Books:
    [Does] the published book contain the unpublished part?
    James H. Campbell, King’s Counsel, to a witness in Britain’s
Times
Book Club case in the early 1900s
On Book Titles, Confidence-Building:
    Correctly English in 100 Days
    title from an East Asian book for beginning English speakers
On Bosses, Admiration of:
    I first saw [President Reagan] as a foot, highly polished brown cordovan wagging merrily on a hassock. I spied it through the door. It was a beautiful foot, sleek. Such casual elegance and clean lines! But not a big foot, not formidable, maybe a little … frail. I imagined cradling it in my arms, protecting it from unsmooth roads.
    Peggy Noonan, speechwriter for the Reagan administration and Bush campaign who wrote the famous “slipped the surly bonds of earth” speech on the Challenger disaster and Bush’s famous speech accepting the Republican nomination in her memoirs
On Bottles:
    Every pint bottle should contain a quart.
    Sir Boyle Roche, eighteenth-century M.P. from Tralee and preeminent word mangier, on government regulation
On Bread and Butter, Where Pound:
    If you let that sort of thing go on, your bread and butter will be cut right out from under your feet.
    Ernest Bevin, British Foreign Minister from 1945 to 1951
On Bribes, the Right Amount to Pay in:
    I didn’t want it to be too big. It would have made it look like we bought the decision.
    Jake Jacobsen, former Associated Milk Producers lawyer, testifying to a federal jury on the $10,000 he gave to former Treasury Secretary John Connolly for help on milk prices
On Bribes, What They
Really
Are:
    I would categorize them more as gifts.
    aerospace manufacturer Lockheed’s chief operations officer, trying to explain about the over $7 million paid to government officials from Holland and to an influential Japanese right-winger
On Bribes from Foreign Agents, Accepting:
    I don’t see anything unusual about it.
    Edwin Edwards, Louisiana governor, in 1976, after admitting that his wife accepted $10,000 from a Korean businessman with ties to the South Korean CIA
On Broadcasting:
    We are experiencing audio technicalities.
    Ralph Kiner, announcer for the New York Mets
On Bureaucracy, Great Moments in:
    Due to an administrative error, the original of the attached letter was forwarded to you. A new original has been accomplished and forwarded to AAC/JA (Alaskan Air Command, Judge Advocate office). Please place this carbon copy in your files and destroy the original.
    a memo from the Alaska Air Command, February 1973
On Burial:
    It is deplorable to think of a parish where there are 30,000 people living without a Christian burial.
    clergyman fund-raising for a graveyard, as reported in the London Spectator, mid-1800s
On Business:
    I suppose you think that on our board half the directors do the work and the other half do nothing. As a matter of fact, gentlemen, the reverse is the case.
    a chairman of the board of a prominent company defending his fellow directors
On Business, Big:
    I’ll tell you, it’s Big Business. If there is one word to describe Atlantic City, it’s Big Business. Or two words—Big Business.
    Donald Trump, real