You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?!: The Classic Self-Help Book for Adults With Attention Deficit Disorder Read Free Page A

often wonder if we are just making up excuses for bad behavior.
    If anyone tries to tell you that ADDis “all in your head,” refuse to take it to heart. You can laugh it off, develop an acute but temporary hearing loss or rephrase the offending words in the privacy of your own mind. You could say, for instance, that “Yes, ADD is in my head—it’s a neurobiological condition.” Remind yourself that not doing something you are expected to do is not because you won’t, but because you can’t—at least notwithout help. Then, of course, there is the tired old phrase “he can do it when he wants to,” which is trotted out all too often. This faulty assumption with its ring of truth often resultsin a lot of self-doubt and recrimination. Remind yourself that it rings true not because you are “guilty as charged” but because ADD is not predictable—somedays we’re hot, and somedays we’re not.
ADD is not an excuse, it’s an explanation.
We have been doing our best in very
challenging circumstances.
    If we could sum up the message of this book in a few words (besides the words in the title), we would say that the task in front of you, as you make the journey from diagnosis to self-acceptance, is to:
     
reframe your past experience,
forgive yourself,
move forward, taking with you the knowledge, tools and strategies that will support your success.
    In this book you will find a wealth of information about ADD, as well as practical tips, tools and solutions for living as an ADD adult. We want to say a bit more about reframing here. Imagine a picture frame that you have pulled from the curb on your latest trash-picking expedition. Or one you have stored in your attic or garage for about a century.It is dusty and beat up, perhaps with chipped paint or many layers of ugly paint. Maybe there are some nails missing, so that the frame is coming apart. Even a Van Gogh or a Picasso would not shine as brightly when placed in that sad-looking frame.
    That Charlie Brown frame is the one you have been looking through when you view your life. It is constructed from the negative beliefs you collectedover the years of living with a hidden disability. The beliefs about not trying hard enough, or just making up excuses, for example. Beliefs are powerful, they affect everything we think, feel, say and do. To change your life,you need to change your thinking, starting with your beliefs. Strip that old frame of the beliefs that don’t serve you and are not even true. The ones that say you havenot been working hard enough or don’t care enough about others. When you refinish the frame, remember to include the following:
     
You have been working your heart out just trying to navigate life with an unpredictable brain.
You have strengths that shine through the disability.
None of us is perfect—and all of us are valuable.
    As you read this book, keep the image of Captain Potential firmlyfixed in your mind’s eye. There is indeed a gem buried under all those symptoms and past traumas. We know that you can find it, because we have, and our own lives have been anything but tidy. Above all, enjoy the journey.
    Warmly,
    Kate Kelly & Peggy Ramundo

Chapter 1
Understanding the Disorder That Makes Us Feel Lazy, Stupid or Crazy
    I t’s difficult to grow up with the hidden handicap of ADD. Many of us feel that we’ve spent our lives disappointing everyone—parents, siblings, teachers, friends and ourselves. When we were children, our teachers repeatedly told us we could do our work but chose not to. Our report cards were continual reminders thatwe weren’t very bright. Those Cs, Ds and Fs didn’t lie. They defined our self-perception as kids who were lazy. Sometimes we felt smart. We came up with wonderful inventions and imaginative play. We often amazed ourselves, our teachers and our parents with our wealth of knowledge and creative ideas.
    We didn’t want to cause trouble. We didn’t start our days with a plan to drive everyone