Written in My Heart Read Free Page B

anything?”
    “Stop it,” said Jane in a low voice that still halted Tamsin in her tracks. “It’s—it’s not any mysterious secret, Millie. I just….” She shook her head and sighed. “We don’t have an understanding. He wasn’t courting me.”
    “Why not?”
    She felt her face warm. Even Tamsin was listening with barely concealed curiosity. But Tamsin was older than Millie, nearly seventeen, with a sweetheart of her own; she had never asked, but divined Jane’s feelings on her own.
    Or so she supposed. Jane certainly hadn’t told her; she’d never breathed a word to anyone about him. “We were children together,” she explained. “My father died when I was a small girl, and his father sent him around to help my mother after that. His mother had died about the same time, so my mother always sent him home with something she’d baked. Ethan was like an older brother, looking out for me.” She smiled wryly. “Tormenting me as well at times.”
    Millie frowned. “So you’re waiting for your brother to come home?”
    Jane’s smile faded. No, her thoughts had not been sisterly for some time now. Ethan had always been there, strapping and strong. She remembered holding his hand and walking to church on Sundays. She remembered him beating up a boy who teased her. She also remembered the day she first realized he was a man, how the sun had lit his fair hair to golden brilliance and highlighted how broad his shoulders had become. He’d been just twenty years old then, and she only fifteen, but she remembered how her heart had nearly burst at the realization that she loved him.
    But Ethan never knew, never guessed, never gave any indication he might return that feeling. He’d still given her his arm to church and fended off anyone who bothered her, but he’d never looked at her with particular interest or awareness, let alone desire. At times she’d been on the verge of telling him; perhaps he’d never looked at her that way only because it hadn’t occurred to him, or because he thought she wanted to remain a sister to him. She had entertained more than one long daydream about him taking her hand, pulling her into his arms, and kissing her passionately on the lips….
    As delicious as that daydream was, though, she knew a far more likely result would be shock and even alarm if she threw herself at him. She could tell herself that of course he wouldn’t notice her that way when she was fifteen … sixteen … seventeen … eighteen…. But at some point a girl had to face the reality that if a man hadn’t noticed her by then, he probably never would. That moment had come for Jane when Ethan went off to war three years ago. He’d told her good-bye and asked her to write to him, and then he’d done the same thing to Mary Windham and Lucy Mannerly and Josephine Evans. Jane had been just one of the many girls waving good-bye with tears in her eyes at his departure, and if Ethan had preferred any of them over the other, he gave no sign of it.
    Her only solace was that she had kept her promise better than the other girls had. Josie Evans was now married to Squire Tatum’s son. Lucy Mannerly’s aunt had taken her to London for a Season and raised her expectations; a country solicitor was no longer good enough for Lucy. Mary Windham claimed she’d written to Ethan, but Jane doubted she’d written every week without fail, as she had done for three years now. Even if her letters were as dull as dishwater, at least she had kept her word.
    Whether that would matter to Ethan was a complete mystery.
    “He’s not my brother,” she finally answered Millie’s question. “But he’s very dear, just the same. Almost like family.” But not quite.
    Tamsin gave her a long look, but said nothing. Millie’s face cleared. “Oh, I see. A very good friend.” She beamed at Jane. “And you’re such a good friend to him, to write so loyally and to care for his dog and wait for him. He must be a wonderful