anything about this guy and as long as I've known you, you have been private and guarded. You're one of the most reserved friends I have ever had. I know we live in Cambridge, Massachusetts, liberal center of the universe, but we're also in high school and I would hate to see you ruin your senior year by moving too quickly and letting something out that you may regret later.
I'm not saying that I don't want you to be happy, because you know I do, but I don't want to see you get hurt either.
And you hang out with jocks. They aren't notorious for being gay-friendly."
Derek knew she was right. "Ok, so I'm semi-closeted..."
Beck's lips thinned into tiny lines. "I mean, I'm only out to you. Is that better?" Beck's lips relaxed into a self-satisfied smile. "So, what do I do with this feeling like I can't wait until lunch to see Scott? How do I prevent myself from being totally obvious or from making an ass out of myself? If this is what it feels like to like someone, how the hell can anyone handle it?"
19
Wrestling With Desire
by D.H. Starr
Beck took in Derek's behavior with unusual silence. She had never seen him like this before, with his emotions unhinged. A part of her felt warm and fuzzy. She knew how wonderful Derek was and wanted so badly for him to find someone. Here he was, finally showing interest in someone.
At the same time, she couldn't help but feel concerned as well. Who is this new guy Scott Thayer and will he be receptive to Derek?
There was only one way to begin figuring that out. "You said you are having lunch together right? Well, I'm joining you."
Derek's eyes lit up. "You've just moved into detective mode haven't you?"
She turned to glance at him and blinked her eyes rapidly.
"Who me? I have no idea what you are talking about. Today is beef stew day and I certainly don't want to miss the chance to watch a newbie try that toxic waste."
Derek shoved Beck's shoulder then kissed her cheek.
"Thanks Beck. You're the best."
"I know. They don't make them better than me."
Just then the second bell rang signaling the beginning of class and Ms. Ritter, their pre-calculus teacher, started calling off names from her attendance record.
[Back to Table of Contents]
20
Wrestling With Desire
by D.H. Starr
Chapter 2
Class dragged as Derek's mind focused on lunch and seeing Scott again. He had crushed on guys plenty of times before, but this was different and it bothered him. The guys he had fantasies about were friends who had girlfriends. They were unattainable and made for good masturbation material.
But this excitement was different. It was a nervous anticipation that caused him to squirm in his seat, fidget with his pencil, and gaze around the room, most frequently at the clock. Third period science was no different, but finally the bell rang at 11:20. Derek bounded out of his seat, knocking his chair over in the process.
Beck, who shared Derek's third period class as well, got up and turned to Derek with a look of amused annoyance. "Hon, it's lunch, not a date. You were moving around so much during class, I thought I was going to get motion sickness just sitting next to you. Calm down or you're gonna make an ass of yourself." She smiled a sincere, warm smile and hooked her arm inside his, leading him out of the class. The simple act calmed Derek. He was relieved to have her with him. "By the way, smooth move back there knocking over the chair."
"Shut it, Beck!" They walked to their lockers in silence, dropped their science books off and grabbed their books for Latin, the class they shared after lunch. Derek looked down the hall towards Scott's locker, but he wasn't there. "I told 21
Wrestling With Desire
by D.H. Starr
Scott I'd meet him at the cafeteria. He might already be there."
"You think he went to the cafeteria for lunch? Good thinking, Derek. Don't know why that idea didn't cross my mind." Derek laughed, his nerves loosening up even more.
What's wrong with me? I never get like this.
I'm not saying that I don't want you to be happy, because you know I do, but I don't want to see you get hurt either.
And you hang out with jocks. They aren't notorious for being gay-friendly."
Derek knew she was right. "Ok, so I'm semi-closeted..."
Beck's lips thinned into tiny lines. "I mean, I'm only out to you. Is that better?" Beck's lips relaxed into a self-satisfied smile. "So, what do I do with this feeling like I can't wait until lunch to see Scott? How do I prevent myself from being totally obvious or from making an ass out of myself? If this is what it feels like to like someone, how the hell can anyone handle it?"
19
Wrestling With Desire
by D.H. Starr
Beck took in Derek's behavior with unusual silence. She had never seen him like this before, with his emotions unhinged. A part of her felt warm and fuzzy. She knew how wonderful Derek was and wanted so badly for him to find someone. Here he was, finally showing interest in someone.
At the same time, she couldn't help but feel concerned as well. Who is this new guy Scott Thayer and will he be receptive to Derek?
There was only one way to begin figuring that out. "You said you are having lunch together right? Well, I'm joining you."
Derek's eyes lit up. "You've just moved into detective mode haven't you?"
She turned to glance at him and blinked her eyes rapidly.
"Who me? I have no idea what you are talking about. Today is beef stew day and I certainly don't want to miss the chance to watch a newbie try that toxic waste."
Derek shoved Beck's shoulder then kissed her cheek.
"Thanks Beck. You're the best."
"I know. They don't make them better than me."
Just then the second bell rang signaling the beginning of class and Ms. Ritter, their pre-calculus teacher, started calling off names from her attendance record.
[Back to Table of Contents]
20
Wrestling With Desire
by D.H. Starr
Chapter 2
Class dragged as Derek's mind focused on lunch and seeing Scott again. He had crushed on guys plenty of times before, but this was different and it bothered him. The guys he had fantasies about were friends who had girlfriends. They were unattainable and made for good masturbation material.
But this excitement was different. It was a nervous anticipation that caused him to squirm in his seat, fidget with his pencil, and gaze around the room, most frequently at the clock. Third period science was no different, but finally the bell rang at 11:20. Derek bounded out of his seat, knocking his chair over in the process.
Beck, who shared Derek's third period class as well, got up and turned to Derek with a look of amused annoyance. "Hon, it's lunch, not a date. You were moving around so much during class, I thought I was going to get motion sickness just sitting next to you. Calm down or you're gonna make an ass of yourself." She smiled a sincere, warm smile and hooked her arm inside his, leading him out of the class. The simple act calmed Derek. He was relieved to have her with him. "By the way, smooth move back there knocking over the chair."
"Shut it, Beck!" They walked to their lockers in silence, dropped their science books off and grabbed their books for Latin, the class they shared after lunch. Derek looked down the hall towards Scott's locker, but he wasn't there. "I told 21
Wrestling With Desire
by D.H. Starr
Scott I'd meet him at the cafeteria. He might already be there."
"You think he went to the cafeteria for lunch? Good thinking, Derek. Don't know why that idea didn't cross my mind." Derek laughed, his nerves loosening up even more.
What's wrong with me? I never get like this.
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