shelves. I wondered when they had come in.
Obviously I wasn’t the only loser at Shade High in
the library well before morning classes. I could see
her black lace-up army boots through a space in the
shelves, crossed up on a chair.
“Oh.” June seemed to remember something, as
she then shuffled under her desk, awkwardly impeded by her stomach, straining to reach a box. “And
here’s your copy of the year book.” She slapped it triumphantly on her desk.
I forced a smile as I accepted it.
“Every student receives one,” she said with a
reassuring closed-mouth smile. “Do you have any
questions, dear?” She peered over her large glasses.
I shook my head.
“Thanks, that was…good, thank you for the
card.” I waved it in my hand and backed away. This
wasn’t the sort of interaction I had craved.
As I briskly pushed through the door a peripheral
glance took in a view of the golden hair belonging
to the blue jumper and black boots hiding behind
the shelves, absorbed in her reading. Maybe I sensed
something different about her in that brief moment.
The next day I went to the library to get a book for
English, reading in the corner until the bell rang. I
made out the yellow-haired girl in boots up the library stairs on the second floor, but she was out of
clear view.
During the next days I became invisible at
school, which was a relief from the intensity that
had plagued me on arrival. I began to become braver
in my observing glances around the class as I seated
myself next to a small girl with dirty blonde hair and
pale eyebrows. She smiled meekly with watery eyes
and I hoped we could perhaps get along, at least as
lab partners. I wondered momentarily if she was the
blonde girl I’d spied in the library, but her hair was
much too long to be the cropped blonde girl and she
was tanned. My lab partner, Angie, spoke less than
I did. I was beginning to wonder if this was a conspiracy to drive me out with passive resistance.
I spied her at lunch, the library girl, buying cookies
and bottled water and sausage rolls from the canteen. Far too much food for one, she must have been
in a group. I felt disappointment as she strolled by
with purpose. Everyone had at least a few friends,
except me, the new girl. She balanced the packages
of food awkwardly in clumsy-looking fingers, which
on closer inspection as she passed me were gnarled
down. I’d never seen such obviously chewed fingernails, like pink budded stumps, winding awkwardly
around and anchoring the food. She headed out to
the grass area away from the undercover where I sat,
and disappointingly out of my view.
I watched the popular boys I’d seen in the halls,
which must have made up the school football team.
In hindsight I was rather taken by them, as I am sure
was the entire female student body. The tallest one
had short chestnut hair tucked behind his ears and
bright blue eyes which contrasted his caramel skin
and straight white teeth. He was addressed as Harton
and his wing man was a slightly shorter, broader boy
with deep brown skin, high muscular shoulders and
black spiky hair.
They brandished footballs and muscular tanned
bodies, which seemed to attest to their athleticism. They walked the halls like roman gladiators. I
blushed and looked away when I felt their presence,
embarrassed by their gaze.
As I ate alone, like a mirage out of the busy lunch
area they lurched. Parting the crowd, the gathering of
pupils separated instinctively for them: the popular
clique with the white-blonde haired girl in the lead. I
swallowed as they headed straight towards me.
Suddenly they joined my table. I wondered momentarily if I should leave. The blonde, the redhead
and the curly-haired girl with blue eyes settled around
me. For the first time I also noticed their other companion, a petite pale brunette with a patch of freckles
across her nose.
They smiled at me with reserved expressions.
“Samantha – Sam.” The blonde