Why Men Want Sex and Women Need Love Read Free Page A

months or years in humans.
    Scientists now agree that love at first sight is a real phenomenon. Scientists working in this area also believe that in a stable society in which people are not under the threat of death or war, lust, romantic love, and long-term attachment may be the best and most efficient way to ensure species survival.

Darwin Made Me Do It
     
    Lust is brought on by surges in sex hormones such as testosterone and estrogen. These hormones cause an urgent push for physical gratification. During lust, two key parts of the brain become active—the hypothalamus, which controls our primordial drives, such as thirst and hunger, and the amygdala, which is a center for arousal. Dopamine is secreted heavily during lust, and it triggers the production of testosterone, causing sexual attraction to occur. It happens when you first see someone and have an overwhelming urge to “have” that person.
    A study conducted in 2006 at the University of Chicago demonstrated that even during a casual chat with a female stranger testosterone levels shoot up by a third in men and that the stronger this hormonal reaction, the more dramatic the changes in a man’s behavior. The study also showed testosteronereadings in married men and fathers are significantly lower than in single males who are “playing the field” because the fathers have moved into a nurturing, parental role and have higher oxytocin levels than single men, who are still searching for somewhere to pass on their genes.
    Lust obviously evolved to lead to procreation and to ensure the survival of the human species and would have been necessary in extremely difficult survival circumstances when there was no time for romance. Also, human females can bear only one offspring a year, which means that without lust, the human species could be threatened with extinction—because we are slow reproducers, Mother Nature made us enthusiastic procreators. This is why people in dangerous and threatening situations, such as wartime, can suddenly find themselves lusting after each other even though they are strangers. If their lives are in danger, they have the immediate urge to pass on their genes.
    In summary, lust, love at first sight, and the obsessive, goal-driven aspects of early love are behaviors that evolved to speed up mating and provide a better chance for successful human reproduction.

Let’s Stick Together
     
    Testosterone is the main hormone responsible for the sex drive, and men have ten to twenty times more of it than women. This is why the male sex drive is strong and so urgent. Testosterone makes men hairier, bigger, stronger, more aggressive, and hornier than women. But men have significantly
less
oxytocin than women. Oxytocin, known as the “cuddle hormone,” is released in large quantities in men and women during orgasm. As quickly as a man can get an erection, his oxytocin dissipates, which is the reason why after-sex cuddles have great importance to women and limited appeal to men.
    A study in 2006 by Rebecca Turner, Ph.D., professor in the Organizational Psychology Division of Alliant InternationalUniversity in San Francisco, showed that this hormone is the glue of human emotional bonding. When people are pair-bonding—or “falling in love,” as we call it—oxytocin levels are high. This is the hormone that gives us the warm, fuzzy feeling we have for the person of our desire. Having higher levels of oxytocin than men is a major reason why women fall more deeply in love at the start of a new relationship than men do. The more oxytocin they produce, the more nurturing they will be and the more deeply they will bond with someone. Just hearing their lover’s name, an odor associated with him, fantasizing about him, or hearing a song connected with him raises oxytocin levels. Expensive outfits, perfect makeup, loads of jewelry, and a new sports car cannot disguise a woman’s emotional condition. If she feels loved and adored, her hormones push blood