Who Owns Kelly Paddik Read Free Page A

many new people — new girls, new staff. None of them ever meant anything, and nothing ever changed. I just kept moving from place to place and meeting more strangers. Who cared about any of them? I leaned against my window and tried to stare past the thoughts that were whirling inside my head. I had to keep looking at what was out there, outside myself, where it was safe. If I didn’t, I would start to see what was hidden inside me. I tried never to see those things, but I knew they were there, just waiting for me to remember them.
    I could feel that big bum again, sitting on my head.
Get me out of here
, I kept thinking.
Out of this place. Out of my life
.

Chapter Three
    When I checked the seating plan at supper, I found out that Chris sat at my table. Another girl named Ellen also sat with us, but she was pretty quiet and didn’t say much. After filling her plate with chili, Fran joined us. I could see Pit Bull at the next table, her eyes glued to the side of my head.
    Chris and Ellen started talking about winning the lottery. Whether you live free or locked up, you’ll always find someone dreaming about winning the big one. Chris said, “I’d buy a jeep,but my granny says a car is a waste of money.”
    I’d get a car
, I thought.
A fast car
.
    Fran nodded. “I’m with your granny. I’d rather spend the money on a trip. I’d go to China.”
    Chris shrugged. “My granny would rather go to Bingo.”
    Fran got up for a second helping of chili.
Man
, I thought,
I hope she gets off before those beans start kicking in
. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Pit Bull still watching me. That girl had rabies. “Pit Bull,” I muttered, shifting my chair so I couldn’t see her.
    â€œHuh?” Chris asked, her mouth full. She looked at the way I was turned in my chair, then glanced around and saw Pit Bull. Suddenly she started to laugh so hard that everyone turned to stare at us.
    â€œDo you mind?” I hissed at her. All I needed was Pit Bull thinking I was telling jokes about her behind her back.
    With a shrug, Chris calmed down. “Pit Bull,” she said, grinning. “That’s great. You’re a genius, Kelly.”
    Just then a beautiful voice came floating up the stairway. I recognized the tune right away. It was one of the old swing songs my mom liked,but I’d never heard anyone sing it like this.
    â€œSister Mary!” Chris yelled. Jumping up, she ran down the hallway to hug the nun. Since when did nuns hum big band songs?
    Coming into the unit, Sister Mary sat down at our table and gave me a grin. “I just came up to see how Kelly was doing. How’s the supper, ladies? I made the chili.”
    Girls were crowding around our table. Smiles were everywhere, even on Pit Bull’s face. Sister Mary seemed pretty popular. “I’ve got something for you, Kelly,” she said and handed me a rolled-up poster.
    â€œSister Mary gives everyone a poster when they come here,” Chris said. “C’mon, open it.”
    Everyone’s eyes were on me as I unrolled the poster. It was a picture straight out of a dream — a huge sky with one seagull flying, bright white in the sun. But it was wrecked by the words that ran across the bottom: LOVE YOURSELF.
Yeah, right
, I thought, studying the poster.
Hand someone a pretty picture with a few dumb words on it, and all the problems are solved, right?
But I knew better than to say what I was thinking out loud. Faking my best smile, I said, “Thanks.”
    Sister Mary looked at me closely. Iwondered if she could see the little white bird inside me that wanted to fly out and away. But all she did was smile and stand up. “Is everyone ready for rollerskating?” she asked.
    I rolled up the poster and put it in my room. No way was I putting something that corny on my wall. Out in the unit the girls were getting ready to head to the gym for rollerskating. As we