When You Least Expect It Read Free Page A

know what it means when a woman is pregnant, right? That she’s going to have a baby?” I asked, suddenly having an unpleasant vision of the kids demanding that I go into a detailed explanation of reproductive biology. But luckily, Rose and Luke both nodded. Miles had gone back to his Hacky Sack and didn’t seem to be paying attention. “My body doesn’t work the right way. No one knows why, really. But I can’t get pregnant.”
    Luke began feeding Otis marshmallows straight from the bag. Rose, however, was keen to hear more.
    “How do you get pregnant?” she asked.
    Jeremy and I exchanged a panicked look. But before either of us could speak, Miles chimed in.
    “You don’t know?” he said. “I thought everyone knew that. The woman makes an egg. And then the man—”
    “Miles, not a good idea,” I said quickly.
    “Yeah, buddy, I think that information might be above their pay grade,” Jeremy said.
    Miles blinked at us, clearly confused as to why we were interrupting his biology lecture.
    “Your brother and sister are a little young to hear the details,” I explained.
    “I am not too young!” Rose said indignantly.
    “Eggs? Like, bird eggs? In nests?” Luke asked.
    “Mimi is going to kill us,” Jeremy murmured to me.
    “Maybe we should talk about something else,” I suggested. “And give me those marshmallows, Luke. Otis will get sick if he eats any more.”
    “Really?” Luke said, perking up. “Do you mean he’ll puke?”
    But Rose wasn’t ready to change subjects. “Why don’t you adopt a baby?” she asked. “One of the girls in my class, Jenny Mathers, was adopted from China when she was a year old.”
    Another look passed between Jeremy and me. We’d reached the point in our marriage—and our infertility struggles—where we could have whole conversations without saying a word.
    “That’s something we might consider,” I said cautiously.
    Jeremy and I had talked about adoption, although only in the most abstract, general terms. Early on, we’d made a decision to pursue in vitro fertilization first. On three separate occasions, Jeremy’s sperm was used to fertilize donor eggs in a glass dish, and then, three days later, the embryos were placed in my uterus via catheter. Each time, the IVF had failed.
    “You should,” Rose said confidently. “Jenny Mathers can do a handstand and a full split.”
    I nodded. “Very impressive.”
    “I can do a cartwheel. Do you want to see?” Rose asked, jumping to her feet.
    “Absolutely,” I said.
    Rose attempted a cartwheel, but wasn’t able to get her legs all the way around. She tumbled onto the sand with a shriek.
    “The sand is too soft here,” Miles said. “Watch me.”
    He ran down to the firmer sand by the water’s edge and demonstrated a cartwheel, timed perfectly so that he landed on his feet just as the water lapped back in. Rose ran after him, followed by Luke and a joyful, barking Otis. Jeremy sat down next to me on the blanket.
    “S’more?” he asked, offering me his plate.
    I shook my head, and wiped away the lingering tears. “No, thanks. I’m all s’mored out.”
    Jeremy looked worriedly at me. “You know it’s all going to work out, right?”
    “I know,” I said, although I knew no such thing.
    Jeremy put his arm around me, and I leaned toward him, resting my head on his shoulder.
    “We’ll figure it out,” he said.
    I nodded and tried to swallow back the emotions welling hotly in my throat. I’d tried to stay upbeat through the first IVF cycles. But with each additional failure, it became harder to stay optimistic.
    Not now
, I thought.
I’m not going to worry about it now. Not on such a beautiful night
.
    The soft early-evening light was dancing on the waves, shimmering as the tide rolled in. A pelican flew by, his wings just barely skimming the water. Rose was attempting a handstand, assisted by Miles holding her ankles. Luke tore off large hunks from a hot dog roll and was throwing them at an