madmen. Now if The Bodger had said ‘Certainly sir, and as you’re our only expert at the moment on breeding red setters, would you mind giving the first lectures until the official books arrive and the rest of us get into the routine?’ or words to that effect, the old boy would have been tickled pink and instead of being passed over The Bodger would probably be a Captain himself by now.”
“By the way,” Michael said, “did you see that our old friend Dickie Gilpin got promoted to Captain?”
“Yes, and from what I hear he’s all set to go through for Fleet Board for Admiral, and heaven help anyone who stands in his way. All set to be First Sea Lord when the time comes. They already call him The Dauphin up at the Admiralty, I gather. My name is Richard St Clair Gilpin, what’s your hobby, just about describes him.”
“Someone told me he got married recently.”
“Yes, guess who to? Seamus Dogpit’s daughter. You remember Seamus, the old buffer at the Interview. Dickie never misses a trick.”
“Something tells me we’re being a bit catty. As bad as women in fact.”
“Have you two quite finished talking shop?” Mary asked.
“Quite finished, my dear Mary,” Paul said, “and as this is a deadly party, I can’t think what’s happened to Sonia since she teamed up with that fellow in the Fusiliers, her parties always used to be good for at least one rape and a couple of unnatural offences to speak of nothing better, she’s quite gone to the dogs, I think we’ll all say our tender good-byes and hop round to the Grenadier for a pint with the proletariat. Coming, Anne?”
“But Paul, I came with Stephen.”
“So?”
“I can’t just go off and leave him.”
“Why ever not? That’s what boy-friends are for. No self-respecting girl ever expects to be taken away from a party by the man who brought her. No girl except Mary, that is. You are self-respecting, aren’t you, Mary? She always comes with Michael and wherever they go they sit and make eyes at each other and tell each other it’s too good to last and a very good line it is too. Breaks the shock when it comes.” Paul took Anne firmly by the hand and forced his way over to the door. Michael and Mary caught him up as he was saying his tender good-byes.
“Dear Sonia,” he was saying, “if you must live in sin with the brutal and licentious Fusiliery you might at least preserve the decencies and make him take his shaving soap out of your wash-cabinet. Of course I looked. I always look. Good-bye all.”
“Is he always like this?” Anne asked Michael.
“Never mind, he’s not serious.”
“Oh, I don’t mind.”
Michael groaned.
“Come on,” Paul said. “Stop dithering and we might have time for what my old friend Raymond Ball used to call a little bit of je ne sais quoi .’’
“What’s that, Paul?” Anne asked.
“Never you mind. Ask and it shall be given unto you, seek and ye shall find.”
Michael groaned again.
2
Inside the Admiralty, big wheels moved, small wheels spun and tiny wheels made tea. The mighty organism gave a shiver and a heave and belched forth a buff envelope which dropped through the Hobbes’s front door and expired on the door mat.
The envelope contained a loose folder of papers which gave Michael Hobbes some diverting reading.
The first sheet informed Michael that he should already have been inoculated, vaccinated or otherwise safeguarded against cholera, typhoid, typhus, yellow fever, tetanus and dysentery. The reverse side of the sheet listed times and places in Newcastle where injections were given. Across the bottom of the page a rubber stamp asked of Michael: “Has your baby been immunized?”
Next was a memo from A.D. of A.M.R.O.B. (C) to Ass. P. Sec. CINC EASTMED STRIKLANTNORD. It was handwritten in green ink and enquired--”What time does Mugsy usually get back from lunch?”
The third and fourth sheets were cuttings from The Sporting Times giving the runners, jockeys and