called her, we would have a fight because I hadnât called sooner and she was angry at me for that, or because I was now angry at her because I knew that she was angry at me for not having called sooner and what right did she have to be angry at me about a situation that was as much her fault as mine? It wasnât as if we were family, whom you are supposed to call whether you feel like it or not. What did we really have tying us together apart from the simple pleasure of hearing each otherâs voice on the line? And if she could not even muster that, well, what was the point of trying to stay in touch?
So I left it alone and didnât call. And now itâs been a year and a half since we last spoke.
FACEBOOK
I have 143 friends on Facebook. My sister has 341 friends. Iâm not surprised that she has more friends than me because sheâs always been the more outgoing and sociable one. She was the vivacious extroverted sibling and I was the bookish introverted sibling, because in families siblings always define themselves against each other, trying to be as different as possible so that we can figure out who we are. Hence, she has more people whom she can call friends than I do.
On the other hand, my sister isnât more than twice as friendly as I am. I would say that sheâs maybe 20 percent friendlier than me, maybe as much as 30 percent more fun overall. I can be aloof and difficult to reach out to; I tend to simmer and withdraw into myself when Iâm upset; I can sometimes make harsh judgments about people too quickly or because I feel threatened by someoneâs behavior or personality or way of talking. But my sister can be explosive. She gets into fights and tells people what she really thinks of them, no holds barred, no punches pulled. She breaks off friendships abruptly, dramatically, while I let them wither through studied inattention.
So really, those things should balance each other out and we should have about the same number of friends or maybe she should have a few more than me. But not twice as many.
I put the disparity down to the fact that Iâm a person who has high standards for friendship. I donât count just anyone as a friend. For example, I donât pretend that Iâm friends with someone whom I just spent time around getting stoned in college. I donât count as a friend someone with whom I just share mutual friends and acquaintances. I donât know if my sister has these high standards.
Or maybe the difference in numbers is partly explained by the fact that some of those friendships are people whom sheâs going to get mad at and break things off with, but that hasnât happened yet and so they are still on the rolls right now, the way dead voters sometimes remain on the list long after theyâre deceased. Once my sister and each of those friends have their fight, then theyâll disappear because you canât stay friends with someone after a huge, disastrous fight, whereas itâs easy just to have people hang around when youâve just kind of let things slide between you through a gradual diminishing of contact and affection.
WAR
We were friends until the buildup to the Iraq war. Weâd been friends since college and back then we were very close, him and me and whoever I was dating at the time and whoever he was dating at the time. We lived in England at the same time, right after college, so we saw each other a lot during those early, uncertain years when we were all still finding our directions in life, deciding who we were going to be and staying out late every night. And then later we lived in New York at the same time. That was where things went wrong.
When preparations for the war began, we still agreed about a lot of things. For example we agreed that the terrorist attacks of 9/11 were a disaster of terrible proportions that nothing could excuse or mitigate. We agreed that while a certain radical element of
So I left it alone and didnât call. And now itâs been a year and a half since we last spoke.
I have 143 friends on Facebook. My sister has 341 friends. Iâm not surprised that she has more friends than me because sheâs always been the more outgoing and sociable one. She was the vivacious extroverted sibling and I was the bookish introverted sibling, because in families siblings always define themselves against each other, trying to be as different as possible so that we can figure out who we are. Hence, she has more people whom she can call friends than I do.
On the other hand, my sister isnât more than twice as friendly as I am. I would say that sheâs maybe 20 percent friendlier than me, maybe as much as 30 percent more fun overall. I can be aloof and difficult to reach out to; I tend to simmer and withdraw into myself when Iâm upset; I can sometimes make harsh judgments about people too quickly or because I feel threatened by someoneâs behavior or personality or way of talking. But my sister can be explosive. She gets into fights and tells people what she really thinks of them, no holds barred, no punches pulled. She breaks off friendships abruptly, dramatically, while I let them wither through studied inattention.
So really, those things should balance each other out and we should have about the same number of friends or maybe she should have a few more than me. But not twice as many.
I put the disparity down to the fact that Iâm a person who has high standards for friendship. I donât count just anyone as a friend. For example, I donât pretend that Iâm friends with someone whom I just spent time around getting stoned in college. I donât count as a friend someone with whom I just share mutual friends and acquaintances. I donât know if my sister has these high standards.
Or maybe the difference in numbers is partly explained by the fact that some of those friendships are people whom sheâs going to get mad at and break things off with, but that hasnât happened yet and so they are still on the rolls right now, the way dead voters sometimes remain on the list long after theyâre deceased. Once my sister and each of those friends have their fight, then theyâll disappear because you canât stay friends with someone after a huge, disastrous fight, whereas itâs easy just to have people hang around when youâve just kind of let things slide between you through a gradual diminishing of contact and affection.
WAR
We were friends until the buildup to the Iraq war. Weâd been friends since college and back then we were very close, him and me and whoever I was dating at the time and whoever he was dating at the time. We lived in England at the same time, right after college, so we saw each other a lot during those early, uncertain years when we were all still finding our directions in life, deciding who we were going to be and staying out late every night. And then later we lived in New York at the same time. That was where things went wrong.
When preparations for the war began, we still agreed about a lot of things. For example we agreed that the terrorist attacks of 9/11 were a disaster of terrible proportions that nothing could excuse or mitigate. We agreed that while a certain radical element of
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