Victoria Confesses (9781442422469) Read Free Page B

tried to be happy, but as Fidi and her husband left in a borrowed carriage, I was unable to hold back the tears that had been threatening all morning. I waved and waved as they drove off on a cold, bright day, wrapped in furs with thick blankets over their knees, bound for Claremont. In a few days they would board a steamer that would carry them away to Germany.
    â€œGood-bye, dearest Fidi!” I cried. “Good-bye, good-bye!”

Chapter 3
S PÄTH , 1829
    A year passed, one uneventful day on the heels of the next. I waited impatiently for letters from my sister. They arrived less often than I’d hoped, but she always wrote that she was enjoying her new life. I wanted to believe her. Then came the news that she was expecting a child, and we were all very happy for her. I told everyone that I would become an aunt.
    The two people at Kensington Palace of whom I was most fond were dearest Daisy and Baroness Späth. I loved them both. Of course I loved Mamma, too, but I spent most of my time with my governess and mother’s oldest friend, and very little time with Mamma, who had much to occupy her.
    Späth thought Daisy was too strict with me, and Daisy believed Späth was too lenient. Dear Daisy would not tolerate naughty outbursts, even the smallest amount of foot-stamping.
    â€œA princess does not throw tantrums,” my governess often had to remind me. “She controls her angry tongue.”
    Späth believed I was a perfect child in no need of correction.
    There was another important difference: Daisy always kept her own counsel, while it was impossible for dear Späth to keep a secret. She had told Mamma of Fidi’s love affair with Captain d’Este and spoiled it all. I learned from Späth’s wagging tongue that nearly everyone in my papa’s family was attached to some scandal or had been involved in some sinister affair.
    â€œPerhaps I should not say this,” Späth had a habit of beginning, and then went on to say it, whatever it was, anyway. “Perhaps I should not say this, but Sir John will do all he can to separate you from your papa’s family. He has convinced your Mamma that King George means to steal you away and bring you up in court.” When she saw my frightened look, Späth hastened to add, “Don’t worry, child, such a thing will not be allowed.”
    Then one day I happened upon a scene that deeply affected my feelings toward my mother. For some reason I wished to speak to her and told Späth, who was with me that afternoon, “I’m going to find Mamma.” Off I ran to the library, the cozy room with a lovely view of the gardens where Mamma had her desk for writing letters. The library also served as Sir John’s office.
    The door stood slightly ajar. Forgetting to knock, I pushed open the heavy door just enough to allow me to slip through. What I saw shocked me: my mother in Sir John’s embrace. His mouth was firmly on hers. They were quite unaware that they had a witness. Mamma gasped and started to pull away from him, but then she seemed to change her mind and allowed herself to be pulled close. I stared at the pair, my mouth open, disbelieving what my eyes told me.
    I backed slowly from the disturbing scene and rushed back to my room. “Darling girl!” Späth cried when I burst in. “What is it? What has happened?”
    I shook my head. My lips were trembling so that I could scarcely speak. I could not explain it, and I did not understand it.
    â€œMamma,” I stammered. “And Sir John. Together.”
    â€œYes? What of it?” she asked. Then her demeanor changed. “Together? What were they doing, child?”
    â€œThey were very close,” I ventured. “Embracing,” I added. “Kissing, I think. But why were they doing that? Mamma is not his wife.”
    Späth gazed at me for a moment, her head tilted to one side. “Well!” she said, straightening and