Undead and Done Read Free Page A

him. “Ta-da! Uh, I don’t want that back, by the way.”
    â€œThank you,” he managed. What was happening, exactly? Was he in trouble? Was he getting out? Was this a new version of torture? “You’re much nicer than the old devil.”
    â€œThat’s a low bar.” Still, she seemed more amused than anything else. “And maybe I’m not. If I was really nice, I’d have cured your injuries.”
    â€œYou don’t have to cure me,” he said, then took a break to blow snot and blood into the handkerchief. Both women grimaced, which was fair. “Just let me out. I want to get out.”
    The (last) love of his life made a disgustedhappy sound. “And you thought I’d help you? Jesus, you really
are
crazy.”
    â€œI’m not crazy,” he said. “I just want to leave.”
    â€œActually, those two things aren’t mutually exclusive. Well, c’mon,” the new devil said. “Let’s go to my office and talk about it.”
    â€œReally?” This in unison with the (last) love of his life—ah, even in Hell, they were one.
    â€œOh, Betsy.” She sounded equal parts appalled and interested. “You’re not serious. Are you? No. Can’t be. Wait. Are you?”
    â€œNever hurts to talk, Cathie. Listen, are you okay? D’you want to get out of here for a while?” That was another thing about the new devil’s friends/committee members. They didn’t have to stay in Hell. She helped them pop in and out all the time. He had the sneaking suspicion one or two of them weren’t even dead. Disgusting.
    â€œNo, I’ll stay.” A glare that could shatter glass. “He’s not driving me out. This is my turf.
Everyone knows the food court is my turf.
”
    â€œWell, if not before, they sure do now. Let me know if you change your mind.” The new devil put a solicitous arm around his love, which all the people pretending not to watch couldn’t miss. “You want to take the day off? Do something that isn’t . . .” She glanced around the food court. “This?”
    So, this one was clever like the last one.
My friends can kick the shit out of someone here, and I’ll be worried about
them
. I’ll show concern for
them
.
Not any of you. See?
    â€œNo, like I said, I’ll stay. I’ll want to talk to you.” He met Cathie’s gaze as best he could; his left eye was swelling shut. The other eye had no trouble picking up on her baleful glower. “After.”
    â€œOh, I’ll bet.” The new devil grinned, then looked at him. “Come on, then, Driveway Guy.”
    â€œBen.”
    â€œStill don’t care.”
    He fell into step behind her, wondering why she didn’t just whisk him away to her office in the security wing. Then he realized she wanted everyone to see him follow her out.
    New, but learning quickly. Oh yes.
    *   *   *
    He had just finished explaining. It hadn’t taken long. Which was just as well, as he’d never taken a meeting with the devil before. Or a vampire. And certainly not in a room that looked like the dispatch office of a busy Midwestern mall. A row of screens showed what was happening in several corners of Hell, though she thankfully had the volume off. No clocks, of course, and no calendars. No family pics anywhere, or posters. Bare walls and banks of screens showing eternal suffering; Hell was always efficient.
    They had come in and she had plopped down in the big chair behind the desk dominating the room, and he’d gingerly taken a seat opposite her as he was wondering where to start, how to start, when he got his first good look at her.
    For the first time he noticed what she was wearing—he’d been too distracted earlier by Cathie. And pain. And by how
normal
a devilvampire looked: pale skin, blond hair, light eyes, light eyebrows. Minimal makeup—just that shiny