Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader Zipper Accidents Read Free Page A

Kaylin Frederich went into a Burger King in Sunset Hills, Missouri, with two relatives in August 2009. After the family had started eating, an employee told them that they had to leave—because Kaylin wasn’t wearing shoes, a violation of the restaurant’s “no shoes, no shirt, no service” policy. What was unusual about that? Kaylin was six months old at the time and was being carried by her mother because she wasn’t old enough to walk. Her mother, Jennifer Frederich, alerted the media, prompting a quick apology from Burger King.
    Cold case. Many states restrict or ban the sale of cold medicines that contain the ingredient pseudoephedrine because it can be used to make crystal methamphetamine. In Indiana, you can buy only a certain amount of pseudoephedrine-based medicines in a seven-day period (and you have to fill out a form). But 70-year-old Sally Harpold didn’t know that. One day in 2009, she bought a box of Zyrtec for her husband (who had allergies), and a few days later she bought her adult daughter some Mucinex-D for a cold. That put her over the purchasing limit, so Harpold was arrested for intent to manufacture crystal meth. The charges were later dropped.
    He was unarmed. Steve Valdez of Tampa, Florida, went to a Bank of America branch in August 2009 to cash a check from his wife, but the bank refused to cash it. Why? Because B of A required a thumb-print as a form of identification, and Valdez could not provide one: He has two prosthetic arms. Even after presenting two forms of identification, he was denied and told by the manager to either come back with his wife or open an account. Bank of America later apologized to Valdez.

    Alex remains silent. In 2007 Shelby Sendelbach, a sixth-grader at Mayde Creek Junior High in Katy, Texas, confessed to writing “I love Alex” on the wall of the school gym. Shelby was called to the principal’s office, questioned by a police officer, read her rights, and charged with a “Level 4 infraction”—the same level applied to gun possession and making terrorist threats. (Only Level 5—for sexual assault and murder—is worse.) And she was sentenced to a special “disciplinary” school for four months. Officials said they were just following the rules. (They later reversed their decision and made Shelby write a letter of apology.)
    Babyfat. In 2009 Colorado’s Rocky Mountain Health Plans (RMHP) refused to cover Alex Lange because he had a preexisting condition: obesity. Alex’s parents were furious. Why? “He’s only fourmonths old,” his father, Bernie, said to reporters. “He’s breast-feeding. We can’t put him on the Atkins diet or on a treadmill.” Amid all the negative press (“RMHP Denies Healthy but Big Baby!”), the company explained that it had a relatively new process of determining which babies were most “insurable”—and at 17 pounds, Alex didn’t make that list. RMHP has since changed its policy to insure any healthy baby, regardless of weight.
    Wackberry. In 2012 Chris Evans used his brand-new BlackBerry, which he hadn’t quite figured out yet, to text a filthy come-on to his girlfriend. Except that he didn’t send it to his girlfriend. Well, he did, but he also sent it to every single person on his contacts list. That alone would make for embarrassment several dozen times over, but it gets worse. Evans, 24, is a community-center swimming teacher in Birmingham, England. The message was sent to two female students, 13 and 14 years old. Under British law, that’s a sexual offense against a minor. Evans was sentenced to 18 months in prison but was released after two—the judge said Evans’s mistake was due to “misguided use” of his BlackBerry.

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IT’S THE COMPUTER’S FAULT
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    I n 2012 Microsoft debuted the Surface, a tablet computer designed to compete with Apple’s iPad. The company spent $400 million to promote it, some of which went to secure a spot on Oprah Winfrey’s annual “Favorite Things” list. (When she