#TripleX Read Free Page B

August.”
    “Yeah, about that. All of our kids will be in camp for the entire summer, right?” I asked. There was no way I could let her say no. I’d already booked our rooms. That town is expensive. Not that I cared, I used the cheater’s credit card. I laughed maniacally.
    “Correct,” she answered. “What the hell are you laughing at?”
    “My husband is a loser,” I stated, trying really hard to stop the maniacal laughter.
    “Er… yeah… I agree.” I could tell she thought I was cracking. I bet she was online as we spoke searching the Internet for comfortable designer straightjackets in triple x.
    “Your husband’s working in Michigan and won’t be home for months, and you’re off for the entire summer,” I continued, my laughter abruptly halted. This was serious business .
    “Land the plane. Stop flying around—get to the point. Tell me what the plan is.”
    “I’m driving to Ohio to pick you up, and we’re heading to Vegas. It gives you almost three full weeks to get ready. Once my kids leave for camp in June, I’m coming to get you. A long life-changing-healthy-eating-mid-life-crisis road trip. Just me and you,” I spat out.
    “Ha. Ha. Dream big my friend, dream big,” she laughed herself into a coughing fit that lasted two whole minutes and ended with gasps of air intake and choking sounds.
    “Are you finished dying? Because I’m serious over here,” I huffed, dramatically.
    “I think it would be better for us both to visit a doctor, go on a specific diet plan, adhere to said diet plan and add in some exercise. We could watch our newsfeed on the day of the signing and look longingly at all the pictures of the skinny chicks getting their books signed,” she said.
    “Gah! Don’t you get it? I want to be one of those skinny chicks at the signing with you beside me. Let’s go! Let’s just do something spontaneous and crazy!” I screamed, waving my hands in the air to help make my point, to absolutely no one since I was alone on the phone.
    “Right. Sure. Ooor, we could do Weight Watchers online together, and we could walk and talk on the phone at the same time every night for exercise. It’ll be like having an exercise buddy. How about that?” she asked hopefully.
    “That plan sucks. Let’s go on an adventure,” I cheered. I was actually standing up, bouncing on the balls of my feet, one fist in the air.
    “Isn’t there a little book signing near you? Just go somewhere close and fan-girl a bit, let your hair down, and have some fun at a nightclub. Why go all the way to Vegas?” Papers shuffled in the background, just under her voice. Was she reading a magazine?
    “Because I hear that Vegas is the land of all you could bang buffets—which I’m starving for. I need an adventure,” I laughed, “and there’s nothing you can say to talk me out of it.”
    “This sounds like it wouldn’t end well for either of us. Just buy an exercise bike and a stronger vibrator.”
    “I think it would be more fun to ride a variety men all the way to Vegas than ride an exercise bike,” I laughed.
    There was a moment of hesitation. “ Eewwwww . But write that down, save all pornographic talk for our novels. Okay, let’s be serious for a minute. Why don’t we talk about your eating and exercise habits…”
    “My eating habits? If it’s not nailed down, I’m chewing on it, and my exercise habits are just shy of almost dead. We need to do this. I’m not taking no for an answer. We need to do this before we get gallstones, bad knees, and hypertension. I’ll be in Ohio in a few days. BYE!” I might have hung up the phone on her and shut it off, so she couldn’t negate my insane decision.
    I was going to do this . I had to, and I’d be dragging her along with me, by the hair if need be. It’s what a good friend would do. There was no way I was going to stick around my house by myself and be depressed. I couldn’t anymore. It felt like the walls were closing in on me, and all I