Trials (Rock Bottom) Read Free Page B

“Nothing, sweetie.”
    I give him a pointed look, even though he doesn’t turn to face me. “I know something’s wrong. Is everything okay?”
    He glances at me, plastering a grin back on his face. “It’s no big deal. We’ll talk about it later.”
    “Okay…” I say, turning the radio on. I know if it’s something really bad or really important, Scott won’t hide it from me. Maybe he got a bad grade or something. I hope something didn’t go wrong with his internship at the pharmaceutical company.
    We dri ve the rest of the way home in silence, both in deep thought- me thinking about what could possibly be wrong and Scott probably trying to work out how he’s going to tell me without making me upset. That’s Scott, putting my needs and feelings in front of his own. That was something to adjust to when we started dating since I definitely wasn’t used to that kind of relationship. I roll my eyes.
    When we finally pull up outside of our townhome, Scott parks the car and we both get out simultaneously. Scott grabs my hand when he reaches the sidewalk, leading me up the stairs. Inside, we throw our things down in the hallway. Correction, I place my things down in the hallway against the wall and he throws his things in the middle of the floor. “Scott,” I say, in a frustrated tone.
    He snaps out of his trance for a moment. “Sorry, sorry…” he says, realizing his mistake and putting his things next to mine.
    We begin to walk to the living room. “So, when are you starting?” Scott asks me. He turns to go into the kitchen, opening the refrigerator. I walk over to the couch and pick up the remote. I point it towards the TV as Scott pulls out a beer and shuts the door. He turns towards me.
    “Monday, can you believe… ”
    “Don’t!” Scott cuts me off. I freeze instantly.
    “What?” I say, staring at him as if he’s insane.
    “Don’t turn the TV on, okay? Not right now…” he trails off.
    I raise an eyebrow at him. “Right…well, I’m going to take a shower and then I’m going to call Theresa and my Dad. Can I do that?” I sarcastically ask. Whatever he has going on in his head must really be messing with him.
    He laughs, as if I’m being ridiculous. “Don’t be a smartass.”
    I walk by him, kissing him on the cheek, and into the bathroom. I strip out of my work clothes and turn the water on to the shower, letting it warm up before jumping in. I’m so exhausted I can’t even stand in the shower. I sit down and let the water run over me, relaxing me. In fact, I often find myself sitting in the shower after an emotionally exhausting day.
    At least I’ve passed one more milestone on the roadmap of my life, and maybe as more of them come and go, I’ll be able to start breathing easier without him.
     
    I end up falling asleep in the shower, overwhelmed and tired from the stress I endured all week worrying over the internship. Usually on the rare occasions I’ve fallen asleep in the shower, Scott has come in and woken me up after twenty minutes or so. So I’m shocked when I walk into my bedroom and look at the clock, showing that an hour and a half has passed.
    “Scott, what the hell?!” I yell.
    “Sorry, babe,” he says, not needing further explanation. “I thought you needed the rest.”
    I shake my head as I grab some clothes from the dresser. I have a feeling this has more to do with his messed up state than my need to rest. I need to get to the bottom of what’s going on with him. He’s killing the buzz I’m riding, and I need a buzz right now. It’s nice to feel like there’s a possibility that everything can feel normal again.
    Just having that thought, I know I’m maki ng strides. I might have the occasional panic attacks now and then, and I think about him way more than appropriate, but I no longer feel like my happiness depends on him. Little by little, I let go of the need I had developed for him. That’s comforting. Comforting…and sad. It isn’t easy to close