Total Trainwreck Read Free Page B

dying—only reinforces that.
    “Okay,” he says, holding up a hand in peace. He staggers to his feet and looks at me through eyes heavy with remorse. I have his eyes. The same shape with a hooded lid that makes them appear earnest, or sad. “I...I was a horrible father and I don’t deserve your forgiveness. But please don’t make the same mistakes I did. Me and you, we’re alike. We have this insatiable need inside us that constantly needs filling. I filled mine with drugs, and lost everything that mattered. Please, don’t make my mistakes. Fill yours with good, Carly. It’s the only way. Fill it with good and you will never run dry.” He clasps his hand together, begging me as best he can.
    I step back and look to see if anyone else is witnessing this useless bullshit. Is he for real? Or did he memorize one of the ninety-nine-cent cheese ball greeting cards at the corner store? Because this is the most pathetically lame excuse for a motivational apology I’ve ever heard. I roll my eyes. This is a total waste of my time.
    The man is lost. To me. To the world. To himself. Good riddance, if you ask me. Silently, I watch him, disgusted but not surprised by what he’s become. His eyes dart at the tiniest sound. Involuntary tics control his body. Crusty scabs cover his neck. No, I’ll never be like this man as long as I live.
    “Know what, Dad? We’re nothing alike. You can rot in hell for all I care. I’m done with you.” I shake my head and walk to the elevator, filled with the quiet confidence of knowing how right I am. He doesn’t follow.
    “I’m going to make things right for you, Carly. You’ll see!” he calls after me. I step into the elevator, select my floor and turn to find him watching me from the curb with a longing smile.
    “Don’t bother,” I deadpan, internally gagging one final time at his yellowed eyes. I think I’m all balls and steel. Until the doors slide closed. The moment they do I break. Leaning forward, grabbing the metal handrail for support, I choke on sobs that come from nowhere. How dare he show up after all he’s put me through? Dying, my ass. He’s too fucking stubborn for that. Besides, there’s no heroin in hell. He’d never last.
    Tears shed over him are an absolute waste. I suck it up, gritting my teeth against the pain. The elevator slows. I straighten, push my shoulders back and dry my cheeks. He doesn’t get to ruin my life anymore. Especially not today. There’s about a million other people ahead of him in line for that.
    I walk down the breezeway to my apartment, fuming and swallowing the sobs still waiting in my throat for release. Fuck tears. Fuck him. Fuck everything. Except what’s on the other side of this door. This I have to save, because the way life is looking, she’s all I’ve got.
    I stop at the door, realizing I don’t have a key. Fuck. I land a soft knock against the reinforced metal.
    The door sucks open, but all that greets me is the cold unwelcome of Maria’s retreating back. Not good.
    Two packed bags sit by the door. They aren’t mine. My stomach somersaults. Ten minutes ago, I was somewhat certain about life. Signing that contract saved my career, enough scheming would’ve put me back in Devon’s arms, and Maria always forgives me. Now the only certainty in my life is the rage bubbling in my veins.
    I charge into the apartment. Maria perches on the couch, arms crossed, glaring at me like I am the living Lucifer.
    “Let’s hear it! Let me have it!” I yell at her, throwing my hands in the air. Maria’s taken aback by my rage, clearly not expecting me to come in like a raging bull ready to fight. I’m sure she was thinking I’d slink in, begging her forgiveness like I always did before. Because that’s what a normal friend does. And until I saw her bags waiting to leave, I would’ve. I slam the door shut behind me, kicking it for good measure. Only, it feels too good, the release I get. I kick it again. And again.
    “Carly,