Too Hot Four Hula: 4 (The Tiki Goddess Mystery Series) Read Free Page B

and nice cars in the suburbs. But every once in a while some of those hardworking folks dared to dream of traveling somewhere that was still primitive, somewhere forbidden, somewhere that spoke to the savage in all of them.
    “So they gathered around barbecues in their backyards, mixed up cocktails with exotic names like Mai Tais and Singapore Slings, and after couple of sips they were dreaming of hot tropic nights, trade winds, and palm trees. They dreamed of tearing off their neckties and aprons and sailing away to distant shores where they could dance to the beat of native drums and either chase pagan goddesses or become one.”
    She paused and took a long, slow breath and let the crowd imagine. Then in just above a whisper she said, “Tonight we will present what we call our Dance of the Pagan Goddesses just for you. This dance is dedicated to Uncle Louie, and we sincerely hope it brings him luck at the Shake Off. So now, without further ado, the Hula Maidens are proud to present our rendition of ‘Bali Hai,’ from the movie South Pacific .”

    3
    KIKI SLOWLY TURNED and mermaid-walked off the stage. Everyone in the room waited in breathless anticipation.
    Danny stepped up to the mic holding a conch shell in his hands. Brandon began a slow and steady drumbeat. Em glanced over at Louie who was as mesmerized as the rest of the crowd. She wished she could relax, but there was no telling what Kiki and the others had cooked up. All she could do was pray it wasn’t dangerous.
    The Maidens filed on stage more or less (mostly less) moving in time to Brandon’s steady drumbeat. Eventually there were seven of them crowded on stage: Kiki, of course, and then came Flora Carillo, trinket shop owner. There was Suzi Matamoto, a successful North Shore realtor, Big Estelle Huntington, a retiree so named because of her Amazonian height and also to distinguish her from Little Estelle, her ninety-two-year-old mother who was also named Estelle. They were joined by Trish Oakley, a professional photographer, as well as Lillian Smith, a recent Iowa transplant, and Precious Cottrell, a hairdresser who was a little person and the newest member of the troupe.
    All of the Maidens were dressed in ultra-tight, off-the-shoulder leopard print sarongs just like Kiki’s. In her leopard print with her top knot speared with chopsticks, Precious reminded Em of Pebbles on The Flintstones . She had taken to dancing with the group like a duck to water.
    Watching Precious’s short legs tackle the low steps to the stage, Em tapped Louie on the shoulder.
    When he leaned toward her she asked, “Do you think we should build a ramp for Precious?”
    Louie leaned closer to Em’s ear and whispered, “If we build a ramp then Little Estelle can ride that motorized sit-down contraption onto the stage. We’d never get her off.”
    “You’re right. Bad idea.”
    Little Estelle got into enough trouble off stage. Supposedly a former Rockette, she sped around on a Gadabout, a powered scooter equipped with an irritating horn. She attended every Hula Maiden meeting and performance with her daughter.
    Little Estelle had been a bit down ever since her break up with Lars, the twenty-year-old boy toy she’d hooked up with through iLoveCougars.com. She bemoaned the fact that after she made the mistake of telling him if he ever left her she’d have him neutered by one of the local pig hunters, Lars escaped and fled back to Finland, or Iceland, or somewhere in Scandinavia.
    At the moment Little Estelle was parked as close to the front door as she could get and still see the show. The tray on the front of her Gadabout was already lined with empty cocktail glasses.
    “Bali Hai will call you . . .”
    The band started the haunting melody and lyrics in fits and starts. The Hula Maidens began to dance, and things were a bit uneven until finally they were all sort of moving as one. The crowd went wild with applause. The din nearly drowned out the band.
    Louie leaned close