To Love and to Cherish Read Free Page B

Mennonite family that had abandoned many of the Plain ways in favor of the more relaxed New Order. She had worried he would find those ways alluring.
    Emma’s mind whirled round and around. Josiah would find his way back. He tested boundaries, but he had a passion for his faith. His heartwas good. Miriam Yonkers, the girl he had courted before moving away, still waited patiently for him. The image of Miriam’s bright face, with its freckles and brown eyes, warmed Emma’s heart. The girl came from a conservative family. She worked hard at her father’s harness shop, was steadfast in her faith, and committed in her feelings for Josiah. And she had a lovely laugh. He would want to come back to her.
    A small sniff in the darkness broke the silence. Ragged breathing told her Luke was trying to stifle the tears. “Luke?”
    “I’m fine.”
    She let her hand creep toward his. He grasped it, held tight for a second, then let go.
    She swallowed the hard lump in her throat. “Did you mean what you said to the farmer?”
    “I always mean what I say.” His hoarse voice quivered. “It was an accident.”
    She knew that. Still, bitterness and anger wrapped around her heart. She didn’t know how to make it dissolve into the lovely grace of sweet Jesus that she’d been brought up to believe in. “Knowing the right thing to do or say is different from being able to believe it.”
    “You don’t believe Mr. Cramer deserves our forgiveness just as we’ve been forgiven?”
    She closed her eyes, put both hands to her face, and listened to the rushing air. “Jah, but I can’t find it in my heart.”
    “Look harder.”
    Luke was disappointed in her. The thought rankled. She dropped her hands. “When Carl left, I was so angry. It’s been four years and sometimes, I’m still angry,” she whispered. “I think I have a hard heart.”
    “You have a generous, loving heart. Carl made a choice that hurt you, but more than that, it hurt him. Do you ever think of what his life is like away from his family and our community?”
    “Jah. I also think of what we would’ve had. A marriage. Children.” She bit her lip and focused on the dark windows through which she could see nothing except an occasionally bouncing light. “This morning, I was listening to the twins laugh and I caught myself wishingthey were my children, pretending they were mine. You don’t think…I mean, now I will raise them.”
    The painful confession hung in the air. She waited, eyes closed, listening to her brother’s jerky breathing. Finally, he cleared his throat. “I’m a simple man, not the smartest man, but I think God is a loving God. He is far too wise to do that. You’ll keep teaching. Leah and I will raise the girls.”
    The words inside her head ached to get out. That wasn’t fair. They had two boys already. She had no children of her own. She stayed quiet. Giving the girls a good and faithful home and family life—that was the goal. Not being fair.
    Teaching made her happy. Maybe that was God’s plan all along.
    She couldn’t help it. “Now the happiness is gone again,” she whispered.
    Her brother sighed. “We will be happy again.”
    “It doesn’t feel that way.” She nibbled at her bottom lip, trying not to cry. “I don’t understand. Our family has been faithful to God all our lives. Mudder and Daed were faithful. Why didn’t He protect them?”
    Luke didn’t answer for a long time. “Like I said, I’m not that wise. Daed would have been able to answer.”
    “Daed would’ve said it’s not up to us to know God’s plan, only to believe that He has one. His will be done, not ours.”
    “See, you already knew the answer.”
    Feeling like a small, stubborn child, Emma folded her arms. “The problem is I don’t like the answer.”
    This time Luke didn’t respond. She was making him feel worse with her rebellious attitude. “I’m sorry,
bruder
,” she whispered.
    Sorry she couldn’t be stronger in her faith.
    “Me,