she wouldn’t be. If only she’d relax and trust that I have this whole thing under control, I could tell her everything —about Maggie and Anna and the Greenes. And then she’d know exactly where I’m going and when I’ll be back and what’s inside the box on the passenger seat that she keeps eyeing but hasn’t asked about.
“Be careful, okay?”
“I always am.” I kiss her on the cheek. “You worry too much, Mom.” I want to say more, but I don’t.
I can tell from the look on her face that she has a lot more to say too, but instead, she just gives me a somber-looking smile and says, “You make it pretty hard not to, sweetie,” and leaves it at that.
When I push the door open, the little cluster of bells bangs against the glass and a guy standing over at the New in Paperback table turns around and gives me a quick glance. I step inside and look around. I’ve never seen the bookstore so crowded.
I walk down the main aisle, looking for Anna between the bookshelves. I’m halfway through the store when I see her behind the counter. She’s ringing up a customer, so I keep a bit of a distance and wait, and try to ignore my heart smacking against my rib cage.
Her hair is longer than I remember it, and it occurs to me that every time I saw her in La Paz over the summer she was wearing it up in a clip or a ponytail. It’s even curlier now, and I feel the familiar urge to pull on one of those strands so I can watch it spring back into place. What’s different about her? She looks tanned and happy and…somehow even more beautiful than before.
She’s making small talk with the customer, fingers flying as she punches numbers into the register, and then she takes his credit card and runs it through some loud contraption and hands his card back to him. And that’s when she sees me.
I just smile. I watch as her expression changes, morphing into this perfect mix of surprise and relief.
Anna looks back at the customer and pushes the overstuffed bag in his direction. “Here you go,” she says with giddiness that the moment doesn’t call for. Her eyes keep darting in my direction.
“Thanks,” he says.
“Any time. Have a good quarter.”
Instead of reaching for the bag, he rests one hip against the counter and watches her, like he’s expecting her to say something else. I wonder if he thinks that smile is for him. He is standing right in front of her, after all. But I can tell from this vantage point that she’s not looking at him, she’s looking past him. Anna has lots of different smiles, but the one she’s wearing right now is one she reserves for me.
“Bye,” she says, pushing the bag across the counter again, this time with more force, and he must get the message because he grabs it with both hands and heads for the front door.
She starts heading in my direction. “Shoot,” the guy says, “I almost forgot.” He turns around and struts back to the counter, and Anna returns to her spot behind the register, looking official again.
I watch her, picturing that surprised look she wore on her face just a moment ago. I think about how nice it would be to see it one more time.
No one’s ever in the Travel section, so I take a chance. Ducking back behind the shelves, I hide from her view and close my eyes. I picture the row on the opposite side of the store, and when I open them, I’m standing in it. I take my backpack off and set it down by my feet.
I can still hear her voice at the counter but now I’m too far away to make out what she’s saying. I stare down at the shelf marked with the word MEXICO , remembering the night I came in here last April.
I should have been studying, but couldn’t stop thinking about her. All day, I’d been looking for a chance to get her alone so I could tell her the second part of my secret, but I never found one. So before I could change my mind, I fed my arms into the sleeves of my jacket and walked to the bookstore.
Her face completely lit up when she
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