This did not make the task before me any easier.
After a formal greeting, I decided to speak frankly. I had no flowery speech prepared, no persuasive words to convince him of my innocence. All I knew to do was to simply tell him the truth. And so I did.
Joseph’s dark brows drew together, and his face twisted in pain, and perhaps anger, at my words. I knew he did not believe me. Still, he said nothing. He just stared at me in the most accusing way. It reminded me of the look I had received from my mother—only magnified.
“I am sorry that you do not believe me,” I began.
“How can I believe you?” he said in a tightly controlled voice, as if each word caused him agony.
I nodded. “Yes, I knew this would be difficult. But I am praying that Jehovah will show you the truth.”
“The truth?” He exhaled loudly and folded his arms across his chest as he looked down on me. I could tell by his gaze that he considered me as something dirty, something beneath him, something he would not willingly associate himself with any longer than necessary. “I can see the truth, Mary,” he said in a surprisingly calm but sad voice. “You have been away for three long months. You come back wearing fine clothing and gold bracelets, and now you tell me you are with child. The truth is quite obvious.”
“That is not—”
He held up his hand to stop my words. “Silent, woman!”
I just nodded and waited for his wrath to continue.
He stood there for a long time, and I could tell that he was thinking, perhaps deciding how he would deal with me. I am sure he assumed that my fate was in his hands. According to our culture, it was. However, I knew that only Jehovah controlled my future. And so I waited.
“I think it is best to handle this as quietly as possible,” he finally told me. “You will go away . . . perhaps back to your relatives in the hills of Judah or wherever you have been. We will make an excuse, explaining that there has been a misunderstanding, that I have changed my mind in regard to taking you as—” He actually choked. “As my bride.”
Then he turned and walked away.
I tried to remember Elizabeth’s words just then, her admonition to trust Jehovah despite how things might look. But it was not easy.
Perhaps faith is like that—it is not easy. But, in a way, it is very simple. We cannot do it by ourselves, that is obvious. But when we turn to the Lord God Jehovah, he gives us what we are lacking—faith. That is where I am tonight. It is not easy. Nothing about this excruciating day has been easy. But I will not make it through this night without faith. Please, Lord, increase my faith that I might survive until morning.
4
SOME NIGHTS MAKE YOU long for the dawn. And yet when the sun finally starts to rise, you want it to be gentle and kind, perhaps veiled by the clouds, easing you into the day that may devour you before it is even half over.
That is how I felt the morning after my conversation with Joseph. I knew he had been gracious, all things considered, but I also knew that this was just the sort of situation where a man might change his mind. For instance, he still had his family to discuss the dissolution of our engagement with. What if they became enraged by what they would surely suspect as my unfaithfulness to him? What if they refused to accept his “excuses” for ending our agreement? There was potential for all sorts of things to go wrong. Still, I tried to remain faithful to Jehovah’s plan, making an effort not to dwell on the potential pitfalls. I knew the only thing I could really do was wait.
My mother avoided my eyes that morning. I suspect that she also knew that my future was hanging in the balance, and I suppose she thought she could postpone the inevitable by ignoring me altogether. In fact, it seemed that everyone in my family had been treating me differently since my visit with Elizabeth. Except for Asher, although even he seemed somewhat uncomfortable since we had
Amanda Young, Raymond Young Jr.