This Is a Dark Ride Read Free Page A

and he wiped the corners of his mouth with his thumb and forefinger. “I’m really sorry, Sam. My stomach’s been bothering me most of the day. I was lying on the bed all day just trying not to move, and it felt like I was on a boat, like the whole room was moving. I guess we’ll never be able to join the yacht club. I’d be puking all the time.” He gave a weak smile.
    Brody sat on the edge of the bed and began wiping Sam’s belly clean with the towel. It was an unexpected act, and Sam’s eyes watered. He wished Brody would lie back down with him, wished Brody would hold him and tell him he loved him.
    “You sure made a mess,” Brody said, making Sam feel like a clumsy kid who’d spilled grape juice on the new carpet. “I don’t think you have time to shower now, do you?”
    Sam turned his head quickly to hide his unshed tears and pretended to look at the clock. Numb, he reached for his long-sleeve thermal underwear shirt. Judging from the way it was snowing out, it was going to be a cold night at work.
    “No, but it’s okay. It was worth it.” He was lying, and he did not look back at Brody. Instead he focused his blurry gaze on Krieger’s sad face in the window and suddenly felt even sorrier for the cat than he had before. Krieger was Brody’s—he shouldn’t be out in the cold. Sam wished he had never complained about Brody feeding him. It didn’t matter who went to work or paid the rent. This was Brody’s house.
    “Thank you,” Sam said, closing his eyes.
    “For what?”
    “For letting me be…yours.”
    “Sam…you know I…”
    Love you. Please, just fucking say it, Brody! All this shit they were going through, he could feel so much more at peace inside if Brody would only say it.
    “I don’t know what I’d do without you, Sam,” Brody said solemnly.
    Yeah. Sam didn’t know what Brody would do either, aside from never eat, get high, and fuck random strangers. “ I don’t know what I’d do without you ” hardly seemed like a substitute for I love you.
    Sam stood and pulled his dirty jeans on. He’d worn them yesterday, but they were probably the cleanest pair he had right now. He did find a fresh pair of socks, and he laced his heavy work boots onto his already aching feet. Finally he put on his tattered and stained work coat. Last winter he’d saved up to buy a new one, but Brody had taken the money. Taken the money and shot it all up.
    Sam tried to forget about that too. He’d told Brody he’d forgiven him, but sometimes Sam wondered if he really had. At least Sam had a coat. It wasn’t a good coat, it wasn’t a new coat, but at least he had one. His mind drifted back to the girl up on the corner while he zipped it up.
    If he stopped, on a night like this when it was snowing and cold, maybe she’d go for a ride with him. At least if she was in the car he’d know she was safe and warm.
    He was seriously losing it, thinking about blowing off work to drive around with some girl. He needed to stop this dumb shit now, needed to get back to concentrating on how to make sure things were right between him and Brody.
    What the hell was he doing? Feeling sorry for himself because Brody wouldn’t say I love you? It wasn’t like that was anything new. Brody had never said it. They’d even had discussions about it, discussions where Brody had made it very clear that he’d never said those words to anyone other than his mother, and that if he ever did say them, they wouldn’t just be words that were thrown out there; he would mean them—forever.
    Sam glanced over at Brody. His sallow skin and hollow eyes tugged at Sam’s heart. Brody was trying. He was trying to get clean and stay that way, and Sam knew he was the only reason Brody was even making an attempt. It wasn’t easy for Brody, and Sam knew it. He could at least help by being supportive and stop being such an insecure, immature asshole.
    “I love you,” Sam said. There seemed no point in waiting or listening for a response