Thin Air Read Free Page B

but
to her he was a loving and considerate partner. ‘But what about his
reputation?’ the bravest of the journalists might ask. In their
eyes would be the other questions: ‘Doesn’t he drink at home?
Doesn’t he throw tantrums? Aren’t you sometimes afraid?’
    Jay would smile tolerantly. ‘You
shouldn’t believe all you read in the papers,’ she’d say. Her
glance would not even flicker.
    Dex reserved a part of himself
solely for Jay, which she loved, but it was only a part, and her
commitment and trust were not enough to sustain him. She always
knew the cracks were there, even though he tried to hide them from
her. People speculated how difficult he must be to live with, but
he wasn’t. The problems arose when Jay wasn’t there.
    Twelve months after they’d met,
Jay decided the honeymoon period was over, and she would no longer
accompany Dex on tour. She did not enjoy life on the road. Hotel
rooms held no appeal for her and she found it difficult to
concentrate on her writing in them. Increasingly, she found herself
yearning for the smoky cosiness of her small office at home. When
she informed Dex of her decision, he was disappointed, but
understood her feelings. The first time he went away without her,
more than one friend asked her how she could bear to let her man
travel alone, exposed to the fleshly temptations that lurked in the
wings of every stage. Patiently, Jay would explain that she and Dex
were not possessive with one another. She didn’t feel she needed to
keep an eye on his fidelity. If the occasional indiscretion did
occur, Jay didn’t want to know about it. She trusted his heart,
which was enough. But despite this faith, Dex couldn’t always
control himself. Women were the least of the problems. Sometimes
there were scuffles and arguments, punches thrown at photographers,
broken furniture in hotels. Music press headlines screamed
gloatingly about his exploits. He drank a lot, before and after
gigs, picked fights with his band, went on the rampage, sometimes
disappeared for days at a time. Only Jay’s presence, during what
the band came to view as that one idyllic year, had kept Dex’s less
savoury characteristics at bay.
    Jay was used to getting frantic
calls from the band’s manager - often in the middle of the night,
when she was red-eyed at the computer trying to meet a dead-line -
despairing of how to cope with Dex. Only Jay could control him, and
she was honest enough with herself to know it wasn’t even that. Her
presence merely soothed him, quieted his demons. But Dex was an
adult; she could not be constantly at his side like a mother.
Initially, she had dropped everything and flown out to deal with
the situation, wherever he was. Whenever she walked into the hotel
room, or the bar, or the venue, she would find him subdued,
sheepish, but grinning. He was always pleased to see her. Jay did
this rescue act precisely three times, but knew it would have to
stop. She and Dex talked about his difficulties and how he should
take responsibility for his own actions. That was the sort of
relationship they had. She did not approve of his binges, but
neither would she continue to stride in and interfere. Really, his
behaviour on tour did not touch her life, for she never witnessed
it firsthand. In her heart, she did not wholly believe the stories
of mayhem and rage, and thought they were exaggerated. As a writer
herself, she knew how the creative mind could shape mundane real
events into dramatic fiascos.
    She knew his pattern. When the
world Dex moved in became too overwhelming, he would find a
bolthole and hide for a few days, getting drunk and smoking dope
with people who were only too glad to take him in. He didn’t always
call her, but she never worried, confident that Dex knew his own
limitations and when it was time to withdraw and recuperate.
    So, when he disappeared again,
late in October 1995, Jay was not unduly concerned. She received
the call on a Sunday morning, while Dex was on