nothing to stop me from thinking that in other circumstances — and with another expression on his face — I might have found him extremely attractive. Right now, however, his critical gaze was only making me extremely uncomfortable.
“What role did you play in this Dr. …” he flipped through the file in front of him until he came across what I was assuming was the list of today’s presenters, “Davenport?”
“I was holding the retractors for the first part of the surgery. After the patient coded, I moved aside to allow Dr. Halpert to assist in the resuscitation.”
“And you’re an intern, correct? This is your first year?” He was still glaring at me, as if I had been personally responsible for what had gone wrong.
“Yes, sir,” I stammered.
“So you’ve only been here a month? At the time of the surgery?”
I swallowed. It really did sound like he was trying to place some of the blame on the surgery on my being in the room.
“Yes, sir,” I stammered, trying not to reveal how nervous I was.
I have nothing to be nervous about, I reminded myself. Nothing to hide.
“And how many surgeries had you participated in before this case.”
“None,” I admitted.
“None?” He bore into me with his steely grey eyes, making me shift uncomfortably in my spot. “How is that possible, if you’d been an intern for about a month. What had you been doing prior to this?”
“I’m actually an Emergency Room intern,” I confessed, cringing at the way it sounded like an admission of guilt.
“An Emergency Room intern?” The man didn’t look truly surprised by this information. I had a sneaky suspicion that he’d already known this and had been leading the discussion here all along.
“Yes. There had been an outbreak of the flu throughout the surgical department, and they were short staffed. I volunteered to fill in.”
“So,” the man said, leaning back in his chair and speaking to the entire room. “An intern, with approximately a month’s worth of experience in the Emergency Room , was part of this patient’s surgical team? And no one else seems to think that is a blatant error in patient care?”
The man was glaring around the room now. Other doctors were looking down or away. I couldn’t help but wonder why this man, decidedly younger than everyone else, seemed to intimidate everyone around him.
“The case file is clear as to the cause of death,” said one woman. “Dr. Davenport’s actions in no way contributed to the death.”
“Perhaps,” the stern-looking man replied. “But having someone more experienced in the room could have shortened the response time and aided in the stemming of the cardiac arrest and the resuscitation of this patient.”
It felt as if the bottom actually fell out of my stomach. This jerk was actually suggesting the death was my fault — at least in a roundabout way. I looked around the room to see the nodding of heads.
“You’re right,” acknowledged the moderator. “Perhaps the way in which interns are shared among departments and utilized in surgery should be discussed. But you’re free to go, Dr. Davenport. Thank you for your presentation.”
There was a murmur of thanks throughout the room, but I was barely able to acknowledge them. What little confidence I’d regained since the incident in the operating room was long gone. Utterly humiliated, I reached for my purse next to Carrie before heading out the door. There was no way I could stay for the rest of the conference.
4
“ D o you have a shift today ?” Carrie asked, jogging to catch up with me at the elevator.
“No,” I replied, staring ahead. It was all I could do to keep from collapsing in a pile of tears. “I actually came in on one of my rare days off for this.”
“Then this calls for a drink. Let’s head over to the bar next door.”
“Don’t you have to get back to your daughter?” I asked, trying not to get my hopes up but really not wanting to be alone at the