The Two-Bear Mambo Read Free Page A

scary.
    "Talent show's over," Hanson said. "And so's sitting behind my desk."
    "Yassuh," Charlie said, and he eased out from behind the desk and took a chair and lit a cigarette.
    Hanson went over and sat down behind his desk, swiveled his chair and looked at Leonard.
    "Well, well," Hanson said, "If it isn't the Smartest Nigger in the World."
    "Hi," Leonard said.
    "That's the N word again," Charlie said to me.
    "Yes," I said, "but it's two black guys talking to one another, so we've got the same problem as before. Is it racist, politically incorrect, or all in fun?"
    "Ain't nothing fun about it," Hanson said. Then to Leonard: "You dumb motherfucker. I'm sick of your goddamn cavalier attitude.”
    "They killed a kid last year," Leonard said.
    "He took the dope on his own," Hanson said.
    "He was a kid," Leonard said.
    "All right, all right, one house burning is okay," Hanson said.
    "But twice? Then three times? You got to respect my position here."
    "Your goddamn Chief of Police has ties to the fucks who provide that house, and you know it," Leonard said.
    "That's a point for Leonard," Charlie said. "He's right. You know it, I know it, the guys in the slammer know it. They know too they'll be out of here come morning. If it takes that long. They'll be suing Leonard, most likely."
    "Shut up, Charlie," Hanson said.
    "Yassuh, Massuh Marvin."
    "That's kinda racist, isn't it?” I said to Charlie. "A white guy doing slave talk?"
    "Think so?” Charlie said.
    "Will you two assholes shut up?” Hanson said.
    I could see "Yassuh" forming on Charlie's lips, but he decided to just wiggle them instead. Wise choice, I thought.
    "What are these two fucks doing in here watching you and your fucking shadows?” Hanson said. "Why ain't they in a cell?"
    "I figured they were kind of guests," Charlie said. "I mean, hell, I like 'em."
    "Yeah, well, I don't," Hanson said. "Especially the Smartest Nigger in the World here. He's always doing what he wants. He doesn't think the law applies to him. He's some kind of crusader. Some kind of vigilante. Yes sir, he's the Smartest Nigger in the World."
    "I don't know," said Leonard. "I hear great stuff about you and Jesse Jackson."
    Hanson moved suddenly, and considering his size, it was a fast move. He grabbed the lamp on his desk and jerked it hard enough the plug came out. He threw it at Leonard, who slipped casually sideways in his chair, as if avoiding a punch. The lamp went by and hit the wall and exploded. Leonard and Hanson both stood up.
    There was a beat of silence during which a lot of things could have happened, but didn't. Finally, Leonard smiled. Then Hanson smiled. Hanson and Leonard slowly sat back down. Hanson said, "Shit, my ex-wife gave me that desk lamp."
    "And what a special little prize it was," I said.
    "What I do when I lose a family heirloom," Charlie said, "is I
    go get drunk."
    "That sounds about right," Hanson said. "Boys, get your coats."
    Chapter 3
    Hanson said, "Can you believe that, two bears fuckin', right there on the television set?"
    We were at Hanson's house watching the National Geographic special. Hanson and Charlie were drinking lots of beer. Leonard was nursing one, and I was having a Sharp's nonalcoholic beer. I'd given up drinking because I thought it was stupid and expensive and not very healthy.
    Beer, however, didn't hurt Hanson's and Charlie's feelings.
    Charlie said, "Actually, Marve, my man. Them bears are neither on, nor in, the set. Those bears fucking is recorded on videotape or something. Then they play it back so we can see it. You see those trees? That grass? It's spring there behind them. That means those bears could have done this fucking a year or two ago. Anytime really."
    Hanson wasn't paying attention. He took another drink from his can of Schlitz, said, "Can you believe that shit? I was a kid, they wouldn't show two dogs one behind another for fear you might think one was gonna mount the other. And now, right there, in front of God and everybody,