The Struggle (The Things We Can't Change Book 2) Read Free Page A

are back under control, despite another run-in with Mr. Bryant. He’s still trying to get me to join the art classes next year and keeps telling me that I only have a year left if I want to get some kind of portfolio together for college. I just nod my head and tell him no. The last time I drew, it was my pictures of Cindy, when she had begged me. I don’t ever want to tarnish that memory, change that she is the last thing connected to that part of my life. And I know, without a doubt in my mind, that the door is closed on both those parts of my life; drawing and Cindy, gone and done forever.
    What I’ve always believed is true; everything you care for gets taken from you. Cindy’s death just confirms it for me.
    I’m the first one into the cafeteria and sit at our usual lunch table. I had thought, a month and a half later, that the news would die down and people would have stopped talking. It hasn’t, probably because it was turned from a bonfire into an inferno by Cindy’s death and Tony’s accident, although that’s part of the rumor; that Tony’s ‘accident’ wasn’t an accident at all, but attempted suicide. After all, you’d have to be pretty crazy, or drunk, or mad with grief and hysteria, to veer off Grandview Avenue and over the railroad tracks and put your car into one of the old stationary train cars there.
    I’m not sure what to think. I’d seen Tony’s craziness for myself, and I know that he is more than capable of that kind of erratic thinking. And Evie herself had told me that he always threatened to kill himself if she left him. With the impending law suit, and the fact that he had just come from the hospital where Evie had been, it’s entirely possible he did it on purpose. All I know is, it’s made the rumors even worse, and with that one act, Tony gained the final vote of sympathy he needed for everyone to be on his side, and they have rallied behind him and against me accordingly. I don’t blame Evie for not returning to school for the remainder of the year, even though it was probably more due to her injuries than peer pressure. I wonder what it will be like if she—and I—return in the fall.
    I realize I’m thinking about Evie yet again and am grateful when people finally join me at the table, even though it’s Cameron. I can’t say I mind too much though, because I’ve been hell bent on a path of self-destructiveness in order to not think or feel, and Cameron is an excellent tool in this. Over the past month, we’ve been hanging out a lot more, and we aren’t just spray painting or drinking anymore. No one is depending on me any longer, and so I’ve thrown any caution to the wind and begun to embrace everything I used to stay away from when Cindy was depending on me.
    “Quain, you coming out tonight to the party?”
    Cameron’s eyes are bleary and red-rimmed as he looks over at me, a sure sign that last night’s party hasn’t quite ended, and tonight’s has already begun. He smells like an overload of Axe body spray, but I can still pick up the faint traces of weed.
    “Where is it?” I ask as Koby and Dominic take their usual spots on either side of me, cautiously watching the exchange between Cameron and me.
    “My place.”
    “I’ll be there. Not till after work though. I have an event tonight at the club,” I say, thinking of my dream. The other bonus of Cameron’s parties, of staying out late with my friends, is that I can put off sleep for as long as possible. It’s the one place I’m completely vulnerable to my emotions and memories, and I hate that feeling, of being trapped there and not being able to escape.
    “Cool. Bring Tessa. We’re out of here, no point in staying for the rest of the day.” Cameron stands up and stretches, and most of his crowd leaves with him.
    It’s just Koby, Dominic, and me left at the table. Koby because he’s actually a good student, me because my dad will flip if he finds out I skipped, and Dominic because it’s either