The Shrinking Man Read Free Page B

nerve-spent, fruitless day at the Center had added more blocks.
    Then to have Louise not only angrily upset at his decision, but unable to hide her shock at seeing him four inches shorter than herself—it had been too much. He’d scarcely spoken from the moment she’d entered his room, and what he had said had been quiet, withdrawn, each sentence shackled by reserve.
    Now they were driving past the understated richness of the Jamaica estates. Scott hardly noticed them. He was thinking about the impossible future.
    “What?” he asked, starting a little.
    “I said, did you have breakfast?”
    “Oh. Yes. About eight, I guess.”
    “Are you hungry? Shall I stop?”
    “No.”
    He glanced at her, at the tense indecision apparent on her face.
    “Well,
say
it,” he said. “Say it, for God’s sake, and get it off your chest.”
    He saw the smooth flesh on her throat contract in a swallow.
    “What is there to say?” she asked.
    “That’s right.” He nodded in short, jerky movements. “That’s right, make it sound like my fault. I’m an idiot who doesn’t want to know what’s wrong with himself. I’m—”
    He was finished before he could get started. The undertow of nagging, unspoken dread in him swallowed all attempts at concentrated rage. Temper could come only in sporadic bursts to a man living with consistent horror.
    “You know how I feel, Scott,” she said.
    “Sure I know how you feel,” he said. “You don’t have to pay the bills, though.”
    “I told you I’d be more than willing to work.”
    “There’s no use arguing about it,” he said. “Your working wouldn’t help any. We’d still go under.” He blew out a tired breath. “What’s the difference anyway? They didn’t find a thing.”
    “Scott, that doctor said it might take
months!
You didn’t even let them finish their tests. How can you—”
    “What do they think I’m going to do?” he burst out. “Go on letting them
play
with me? Oh, you haven’t
been
there, you haven’t
seen
. They’re like kids with a new toy! A shrinking man, Godawmighty, ashrinking man! It makes their damn eyes light up. All they’re interested in is my ‘incredible catabolism.’ ”
    “What difference does it make?” she asked. “They’re still some of the best doctors in the country.”
    “And some of the most expensive,” he countered. “If they’re so damned fascinated, why didn’t they offer to give me the tests free? I even asked one of them about it. You’d’ve thought I was insulting his mother’s virtue.”
    She didn’t say anything. Her chest rose and fell with disturbed breath.
    “I’m tired of being tested,” he went on, not wanting to sink into the comfortless isolation of silence again. “I’m tired of basal-metabolism tests and protein-bound tests; tired of drinking radioactive iodine and barium-powdered water; tired of X-rays and blood cultures and Geiger counters on my throat and having my temperature taken a million times a day. You haven’t been through it; you don’t know. It’s like a—an inquisition. And what the hell’s the point? They haven’t found a thing. Not a
thing! And
they never will. And I can’t see owing them thousands of dollars for nothing!”
    He fell back against the seat and closed his eyes. Fury was unsatisfying when it was leveled against an undeserving subject. But it would not disappear for all that. It burned like a flame inside him.
    “They weren’t finished, Scott.”
    “The bills don’t matter to you,” he said.
    “You
matter to me,” she answered.
    “And who’s the ‘security’ bug in this marriage, anyway?” he asked.
    “That’s not fair.”
    “Isn’t it? What brought us here from California in the first place? Me? Because I decided I just had to go into business with Marty? I was happy out there. I didn’t—” He drew in a shaking breath and let it empty from his lungs. “Forget it,” he said. “I’m sorry, I apologize. But I’m not going