The Seventh Voyage of Temperance (The Adventures of Ichabod Temperance Book 7) Read Free Page B

opposition to Easter Island’s men, we are seeing hordes of shapely Valentine Island women statues squirming forth, up and out of the ground.”
    “Eep! They want the artifact I stole! Oops, I mean, I stole it fair and square in the name of science! Shoo, you walking detriments to the advancement of Man’s knowledge. A woman’s place is in the home, but in your stone woman’s case, her place is in the ground!”
    “These babes ain’t bashful, Perfessor; how about giving these stone cold statues their fertility symbol back?”
    “No, I won’t do it!”
    “These gollem gals are pretty mad, Perfessor. It’s written all over their expressionless faces. An undeniable aura of menace and anger sure ’nough emanates from the basaltic babes’ well developed forms! They are popping up and out all over the place! Each impressively built girl must be twenty to thirty feet tall!”
    “Cease your incessant blather and get me to safety, you little idiot!”
    “I say, perhaps Professor Fuzziwitz is correct, and that a hasty withdrawal is called for at this time. Oh, Mr. Temperance, would you be so good as to provide our transport?”
    “Yes, Ma’am, Miss Plumtartt Ma’am! Let’s hurry over to and jump on the ‘ped-o-pillar’!”
    “I say, do you really think that this sprocket-driven tractor will be able to out-pace these furious maidens of stone?”
    “I sure hope so, Ma’am! Hurry, and hop aboard this device that is set up as a bicycle built for two might be, but actually has positions for three passengers. Also, of course, our foot-driven sprockets provide energy to the two belts of linked metal plates, out-rigged to either side of our pedal-craft, instead of to bicycle wheels. These plates continually lay a temporary path to tread upon before our almost any type of terrain vehicle. I believe that this type of land tractor that is propelled and steered by its path laying treaders will come to be referred to as ‘patherers’.”
    “Gentlemen, I urge you both to pedal as fast as possible. A phalanx of voluptuous, volcanic rock vixens are moving to outflank our egress.”
    “That’s some good pedaling, y’all, but I think Perfessor Fuzziwitz could pedal a little faster if you were not still clinging to that fertilitility pole.”
    “I refuse to relinquish my prize! Shut up and get me out of here you little imbecile!”
    “Yessir. This tractor was not meant to be driven this fast! Her track locking steerage is kind of sketchy at this velocity. We got around that first bunch of Valentine Island women, but more are in pursuit. Eep! Now we gotta dodge around these holes that the ladies climbed up from.”
    “I say, Mr. Temperance, our options for escape are effectively nil. This small island is now completely aswarm with galloping, gregarious girls of grudge laden granite.”
    “You’re sure right about that, Miss Plumtartt, these gals are running around like they are  on some sort of geologic Sadie Hawkins Day Jamboree.”
    “Tempsi-nance, you babbling fool! Get us back to my ship! These women of stone will not be able to swim after us!”
    “Yessir, Perfesser! I see it! There’s the ship we came in on, the Italian, ‘ Roman Hands’ . It is at anchor, just beyond the coral reef that surrounds this island. If we can make it to our Venetian launch, we can make it to the ship.”
    “Oh, Mr. Temperance! This soft sand is slowing down our ‘Ped-O-Pillar’. This island’s all girl revue quickly closes upon us.”
    “Signorina Plumtartt is right! We must abandon this tractor and run for the gondola!”
    “The sand is slowing down them big ol’ girls, but this is going to be cutting it pretty close! Put your foot into the cup of my interlaced fingers and I’ll give you a boost aboard, Miss Plumtartt. You too, Perfesser Fuzziwitz, but I wish you would turn loose of that dang fertilizer symbol.”
    “Quiet boy, I mean to escape with my artifact prize! Get me aboard this gondola!”
    “Yessir, up you go,