The Seduction of Suzanne Read Free Page B

you don’t want him or someone like him, what do you want?”
    “Just to be left alone.”
    “Suzy, Suzy, Suzy.” Anita shook her head in consternation, Suzanne tilted her head back to look at the ceiling, blinking quickly. Anita leaned forward to put her warm hand over Suzanne’s, where it lay on the table. “That’s just plain wrong. All this time I thought you were aloof cos you’re picky. Is this really all about Gavin? I’d like to rip that guy a new. . . No, don’t cry sweetie.”
    “I’m not, I’m not,” said Suzanne, dashing a quick hand under her eyes.
    “Listen, you need to get out there, let loose, have fun and enjoy your saucy, sexy arse off. There are so many lovely men out there. Don’t cut yourself off. It’s just not like you. You’re just the most capable, can do woman I know. You’re not afraid of anything.”
    Suzanne winced at the word ‘afraid’. That was precisely what she was.
    “And what if I get it wrong again? What if I fall for someone who is just using me?”
    Anita shrugged. “Everyone takes that chance. How often have I made a fool of myself over some man? That’s just life. You don’t decide you’re not going to live it in case you get it wrong. Take a chance. Trust your instincts. If they’re telling you to hunt this guy down then go for it.”
    “They’re not. They’re telling me to run in the other direction.”
    “Okay, so forget your instincts. They’re based on old scars. Time to get some new instincts. Listen to your poor libido instead.”
    Suzanne laughed helplessly, a sad laugh ending on a sigh. “I can’t. I don’t think I have it in me.”
    “Rubbish. I bet you’ve just spent so long holding back and damming up your feelings you’ve forgotten what it’s like to actually tune into what you want.”
    “Even if I was going to take a chance, it wouldn’t be with some stranger nobody knows, who will take off at any moment.” Suzanne pinched her lips together, looking out the window at the back of the blonde head she could just see sitting at one of the outside tables. Actually from the way he was laughing and talking with Murray, maybe he did know a few of the locals.
    “But that’s where he’s just perfect. No muss, no fuss, no commitments. You have some fun, let loose, get a bit wild, and then before you can say ‘uh, this is starting to get complicated’ he’s gone and you can try again on someone else. Better than getting hot and heavy with the limited selection of residents. When things fall apart and you keep bumping into them… awkward .” She sang the last word, rolling her eyes expressively.
    “You’re such a cynic. What about love?”
    “I’m not a cynic. I’m all about love. Always ready for it. But you have to kiss plenty of toads to find a prince. Besides, we’ve got years, years before we have to get serious about anyone. I may be ready, but I’m not desperate. Plenty of time for fun. Which is exactly what you should be having.”
    “Alright, alright. I’ve heard you. I may not agree, but I’ve heard you. Okay? Let’s talk about something else!” Suzanne made herself look away from Justin’s blonde head, instead examining the work of a local painter that hung on the wall next to her while her mind roiled. She did not often examine her internal world. She was made for doing, not for navel gazing. But this was an area of her life that was damaged. Scarred, as Anita said. It was easier by far to turn away from desires and needs that put her at risk. She had been doing exactly that for years, and focusing all her attention and energy on building a safe, controlled world to occupy. Work; her students; her friendships; her hobbies. No men, no passionate relationships.
    Everything Anita said – in her forthright, cheerful way – made sense. How would she ever be a wife and mother unless she took a chance on being a sexual being first? This was not a world made for women who were scared to dip their toes in the pool of