The Secret Knowledge Read Free

That’s why I wonder about your friends.”
    “They’ve helped me see the world in a completely different manner. Not through a window at all. They speak of new laws of science: relativity, quantum theory.”
    “What does this have to do with us?”
    “They’ve made me realise that every moment is a decision, a test. You thought of turning back, but didn’t.”
    “Because I trust you.”
    “If we hadn’t got on, it would only have made the tiniest difference to the world, but differences add up, everything matters.”
    “Are you saying that if I walked away it would have been the end?” The absurdity of the idea is what permits her to express it; Pierre seems to take it seriously.
    “I don’t know,” he says. “I don’t know what would have happened.”
    This is the test, then; her future happiness depends on a fairground ride. “Don’t play games with me.”
    “I’m not, it’s life that plays with us – a game of chance.”
    “I thought you believed in destiny.”
    “I believe in hope.”
    The carriage passes its apex once again; Yvette wonders how many more rounds there will be before the finish. “I also have my hopes, Pierre. Tell me whatever you have to.”
    “Two things,” he says. “Two very great things on which the whole of my world now hinges.” He clasps her hands. “Yvette, I want you to be my wife.”
    He has timed it imperfectly: they are not far from the ground. But others in the carriage catch the flavour of Yvette’s rapturous response, they hear her acceptance, see the way she kisses and holds him, so that when they all reach the top there is a general mood of celebration, of quiet congratulation. There are smiles and sighs, and a polite turning away to allow the couple a restoration of their privacy.
    “I’m so happy, Pierre.” She wipes a tear from her eye.
    “I was very nervous about asking.”
    “Is that all? Is that why you were so strange?”
    “I suppose.”
    She laughs. “You’re so adorable!” A catalogue of plans passes through her imagination: the church, the dress, the guests. An entire future constructing itself in an instant out of the simplest, humblest materials, like a palace of playing cards, and at its foundation the parents whose permission will be needed: his proud German father. It worries her. “You said there were two things.”
    “Not here, my love.”
    The wheel slows to a halt and beneath them a carriage is unlocked. The spell has ended; the atmosphere in the compartment changes to an impatience to be freed. Waiting in silence, Yvette feels anxiety return like an inexorable tide. It was such a short and blissful experience, soaring free of gravity. “Give me the tickets,” she says when their door is opened and they step into the dull terrestrial air.
    “You see why I said we should keep them?” Crumpled from his pocket, they have the solemn mortality of fallen feathers. “This is the happiest day of my life, Yvette.”
    “And mine.” She is a sleepwalker in two worlds at once, reality and dream; his proposal should have turned one into the other but hasn’t, instead it has emphasised their separation. She wants someone to shake her by the shoulders, wake her, show her that the marriage has happened, the children are born.
    He leads her back to the row of stalls that was their rendezvous; he wants to buy her something, a sweet biscuit perhaps, or a posy of flowers. He speaks rapidly as if trying to placate a child while thinking of more important matters only an adult can understand; he sounds nervous and evasive.
    “Tell me now,” she demands. “If I’m to be your wife there can be no more secrets.”
    “You must wait here for me,” he says urgently.
    “What?”
    “I have to leave you for a few moments.”
    “Why?”
    “As soon as I come back I’ll explain everything, I promise. I will tell you the secret knowledge.”
    He has the face of a stranger, an emerging look of barely suppressed panic.
    “You’re going to meet