The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole Read Free Page A

have been born Prince Edward and Prince Edward been born Adrian Mole? I am treated like a serf.

Wednesday March 11th
    Dragged myself to school after doing paper round and housework. My mother wouldn’t give me a note excusing me from Games so I left my PE kit at home. I just couldn’t face running about in the cold wind.
    That sadist Mr Jones made me run all the way home to fetch my PE kit. The dog must have followed me out of the house because when I got to the school gate it was there before me. I tried to shut the dog out but it squeezed through the railings and followed me into the playground. I ran into the changing rooms and left the dog outside but I could hear its loud bark echoing around the school. I tried to sneak into the playing fields but the dog saw me and followed behind, then it saw the football and joined in the lesson! The dog is dead good at football, even Mr Jones was laughing until the dog punctured the ball.
    Mr Scruton, the pop-eyed headmaster, saweverything from his window. He ordered me to take the dog home. I told him I would miss my sitting for school dinners but he said it would teach me not to bring pets to school.
    Mrs Leech, the kitchen supervisor, did a very kind thing. She put my curry and rice, spotted dick and custard into the oven to keep warm. Mrs Leech doesn’t like Mr Scruton so she gave me a large marrow-bone to take home for the dog.

Thursday March 12th
    Woke up this morning to find my face covered in huge red spots. My mother said they were caused by nerves but I am still convinced that my diet is inadequate. We have been eating a lot of boil-in-the-bag stuff lately. Perhaps I am allergic to plastic. My mother rang Dr Gray’s receptionist to make an appointment, but the earliest he can see me is next Monday! For all he knows I could have lassa fever and be spreading it all around the district! I told my mother to say that I was an emergency case but she said I was ‘over-reacting as usual’. She said a few spots didn’t mean I was dying. I couldn’t believe it when she said she was going to work as usual. Surely her child should come before her job?
    I rang my grandma and she came round in a taxi and took me to her house and put me to bed. I am there now. It is very clean and peaceful. I am wearing my dead grandad’s pyjamas. I have just had a bowl ofbarley and beef soup. It is my first proper nourishment for weeks.
    I expect there will be a row when my mother comes home and finds that I have gone. But frankly, my dear diary, I don’t give a damn.

Friday March 13th
    Moon’s First Quarter

    The emergency doctor came to my grandma’s last night at 11.30 PM. He diagnosed that I am suffering from
acne vulgaris
. He said it was so common that it is regarded as a normal state of adolescence. He thought it was highly unlikely that I have got lassa fever because I have not been to Africa this year. He told grandma to take the disinfected sheets off the doors and windows. Grandma said she would like a second opinion. That was when the doctor lost his temper. He shouted in a very loud voice, ‘The lad has only got a few teenage spots, for Christ’s sake!’
    Grandma said she would complain to the Medical Council but the doctor just laughed and went downstairs and slammed the door. My father came round before he went to work and brought my Social Studies homework and the dog. He said that if I was not out of bed when he got home at lunchtime he would thrash me to within an inch of my life.
    He took my grandma into the kitchen and had a loud talk with her. I heard him saying,’ Things are very bad between me and Pauline, and all we are arguing over now is who
doesn’t get
custody of Adrian’. Surely my father made a mistake. He must have meant who
did
get custody of me.
    So the worst has happened, my skin has gone to pot and my parents are splitting up.

Saturday March 14th
    It is official. They are getting a divorce! Neither of them wants to leave the house so the spare room