The Revelation Read Free Page B

boil with desire. Holy crappola, as Sarah would say, I’m
short-circuiting at the sight of him.
    Without even thinking about it, I click into Josh’s
email account, address an email to myself attaching Josh’s
smoking-hot-bad-boy-with-a-gigantic-boner-selfie, and press send.
Zowie, as Sarah also likes to say, that sucker’s definitely gonna
inspire countless future orgasms.
    Hey, as long as I’m sending myself stuff from Josh’s
computer, I figure I might as well send myself his application,
too, right? That way, if he distracts me again when he gets up
here, I’ll be able to read it later from the comfort of my own
bed.
    Just as I press “send” on my second email to myself,
a notification message flashes across the upper right corner of
Josh’s screen: he’s got an email from someone named “Jennifer
LeMonde” with the subject line “Hey, Cutie!”
    My stomach clenches.
    My lip snarls involuntarily.
    Jen .
    Oh, God, I shouldn’t do it—I know I shouldn’t. But
show me a woman in my exact shoes who wouldn’t read that goddamned
email and I’ll show you a woman with no pulse or vagina—or, at the
very least, no balls.
    I open the email.
    “Josh!” Jennifer LeMonde writes. “OMFG! I’m so
bummed you didn’t come to NYC with me. My mom’s show was
amaaaaaaaaaazing. You would have looooooooooved it. Critics are
saying she’s a shoo-in for a Tony. And the party afterwards was
REDONK. You should have seen the A-listers who showed up! I’ve
attached a pic of Mom and me at the after-party. (Mom says hi,
btw—she totally remembers you from that time we all stayed at our
house in Aspen.)
    “I wanted to send you a quick note to thank you for
calling me after Reed’s party. I was pretty bummed at how
everything went down that night, to be honest. I’m really glad we
had a chance to talk so you could clear everything up for me.
    “I’ve been thinking about what you said and I
totally understand where you’re coming from. I feel the exact same
way. So if you’re ready to chill with someone who’s not gonna
explode like a fricking grenade all over you like The Jealous Bitch
(can you say drama?? OMG!), then let’s hang out again. I’m totally
up for what you suggested. We’ll just hang out and have some fun
and see where it leads. No pressure. Nothing serious.
    “So, anyway, next weekend is my birthday (the big
2-9!) and my mom’s letting me use our house in the Hamptons to
celebrate. I’m gonna invite a bunch of friends and I really want
you to come. No drama. Just FUN FUN FUN! It would be the best
birthday present EVER if you’d come and hang out (and hopefully
make me scream again!! Heehee!).
    “I know how much you like my ‘pretty titties’ (LOL!)
so I’m attaching a special pic just for you. It’s just a little
something to tide you over ’til you can come see them in person
(and motorboat them again if you want! LMFAO!). Thanks again for
explaining everything to me when we talked. We’re defo on the same
page. No relationship. Nothing serious. I’m totally down with that
plan. XOXOXOXO Jen.”
    I have never felt this capable of murder in my
entire life.
    Holy I Wanna Beat the Living Shit Out of Her,
Batman.
    And Then I Wanna Cut Off His Balls and Roast Them
Over the Burning Embers of His Fucking House, Batman. And Then I
Want To Eat Them In Between Two Graham Crackers.
    I’m gritting my teeth so hard, they’re about to
crumble like shards of bleu cheese in my mouth. I’m ‘The Jealous
Bitch,’ huh? Did Jen coin that cute little nickname for me, or did
Josh help her come up with it—perhaps during their after-party
phone conversation? Was that phone conversation when Josh
“suggested” they get together again so he could “motorboat” Jen’s
“pretty titties” again ?
    Why the hell did Josh call Jen after Reed’s
party? He told me he wasn’t the least bit interested in her.
Did he rush back to his room for a little phone sex after washing
the barf off his shoes and my