The Return Read Free Page B

said, it was his birthday.
    But now she had to wonder if she could talk herself into the right mood. Lenny sat on the bed beside her and leaned over to give her a kiss. She kissed him back—sort of. He sensed her lack of enthusiasm and drew away.
    "What's wrong?" he asked.
    "Nothing." She touched his leg. "How are you doing?"
    "Good. Great party, huh?"
    "Yeah. That was great dope. Where did you get it?"
    He shrugged. "The usual sources. Where did Darlene go?"
    "To Jack-in-the-Box. She was hungry."
    "We have pizza in the living room," Lenny said.
    Jean forced a smile. "It's on the living room floor. I think Darlene worries about hygiene."
    Lenny chuckled; it sounded forced as well. "Then I don't know what she was doing with Sporty. That guy had equipment that needed to be machined to get clean."
    "Was he that bad?"
    Lenny paused and stared at her. "I don't know. He just told me so many stories."
    "About so many girls?"
    Lenny nodded. "Yeah. You must have seen how he carried on at school?"
    "Yeah, he got around some, I guess. When Darlene wasn't around."
    "But they weren't going out that long," Lenny said.
    "Really? I thought it was a few months."
    Lenny continued to watch her. "Something's bothering you, Jean. What is it?"
    She lowered her head. "Well, there is something I wanted to tell you. I should have told you earlier, but I was afraid. But I don't know if this is the right time, either."
    Lenny sucked in a deep breath and became still. She sensed his rigidity more than saw it because she continued to keep her head low. Finally he let the breath out.
    "Yes?" he said softly.
    "I'm pregnant."
    The two words seemed to float out of her mouth and into a vacuum. The room became a bowl sitting on some troll's table, and they were breakfast. She raised her head and saw that Lenny had closed his eyes. A vein pulsed on his forehead. It looked as if it might pop if the pressure wasn't released soon. She wanted to say something to make him feel better like I'll get rid of it or maybe the test kit was wrong. But she doubted he would have heard her at that moment. His mind seemed to have fled to a place where there were no words.
    Finally, though, he opened his eyes and looked at her. His expression was strangely blank.
    "Are you sure?" he asked softly.
    "Yes." She paused. "I'm sorry. Lousy birthday present, huh?"
    "I've had better. What do you want to do?"
    "I don't know. What do you want to do?"
    "It's up to you."
    "No, it's up to both of us." She felt a painful lump in her throat. She had taken her hand off his leg, and she wanted to put it back, to hug him, maybe kiss him again. But they were like two strangers sitting in a cheap motel room. At least that was how the two people in the cracked mirror looked.
    Jean regretted having started the conversation in front of their reflections. It made her feel more lost. How did she really feel about Lenny? She had told him she loved him; he had told her the same. But those were just words. She didn't believe she could love him because she didn't know what love was. She didn't even know if there was such a thing, if it wasn't all hype. She added, "We can keep it or we can get rid of it. I'm not going to force it on you."
    "How much does an abortion cost?" he asked.
    "Three hundred dollars. About."
    He smiled thinly and shook his head. "That's mucha lana. You were raised Catholic. Could you go through with an abortion?"
    She sighed. "I don't know." His next question caught her off guard.
    "What do you think he'd look like?" he asked.
    She hesitated. "Bueno. Like the two of us. But it might be a she, you know."
    "Have you ever seen pictures of me when I was a baby?"
    "No. You haven't shown me any." She paused. "I'd like to see some."
    "No, you wouldn't. I looked awful. But maybe he would look—better." He stood and eyed the door.
    "Let's talk about this later when no one's around. Right now I have to enjoy my twentieth birthday party. It's the only one I'm ever going to have."
    "Lo siento,